User:Dan the Hedgehog/My cat thinks he is a dog

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The alleged victim of the attempted rape committed by this dog cat.

Well, he does. He barks at the neighbors, bites salesmen (thank god for that), and even howls at night. My neighbors have been complaining about the howling.

Most cats like to hunt mice. My cat's favorite activity? Playing fetch.

My cat also likes to chase other cats up trees. Doesn't get very far with that before they realize that he's one of them.

A week ago, I was checking stuff on the computer, and he started humping my leg.

Then five days after that, that crazy old lady across the street from me came with more than a complaint about how my cat supposedly tried to hump her poodle.

Actually, I should have been complaining, because it's her own fault that her poodle is attractive to my cat.

Anyway, I was thinking of giving my cat a breed change, or just get him neutered, but-- hey, boy! What's up?

Oh no, not again!

GET OFF!

GETRRRROFF MY LEG!!!

Ugh...

Mom? Do I have a clean pair of pants?