What if your chicken dies

Chickens are awesome, but not as awesome as cheese. A dead chicken is sad times. Chickens are your rulers, second only to cheese, and should be treated as such.

What to do if your chicken is dying

1. Scream.
2. Run away.
3. Get ahold of yourself.
4. Come back.
5. Give it mouth to mouth for five minutes.
6. Bow to it and say, "I am not worthy!" as fast as you can until you pass out from hyper-ventalating.
7. Take it to a doctor (not a vet).
8. Give it the subscribed pills.
9. Hate yourself for the rest of your life when you realize that you wasted too much time and it died because of you not doing anything.

What to do when your chicken is dead

1. Dip the chicken in holy water.
2. Burn the chicken in its pen along with a live pigeon sacrifice.
3. Feed the ashes to your neighbor's dog.
4. Kill said dog and burn it.
5. Put the dog ashes in a Basket weaven from your own chest hair.
6. Throw the basket into the ocean.
7. Suck up the ocean and have it thrown out the Starship Enterprise's air-lock.
8. Destroy the universe.
9. Buy a new chicken.