Wi-fi
Wi-Fi is a magical technology that was discovered (not invented) in 1994 by two monks (Joseph Fingilley and Armond Frondgloo) high in the Montana Rockies while trying to perfect a new formula for rocky mountain oyster flavored beer.
History[edit | edit source]
The monks discovered that if you banged the right rocks together it awoke microscopic demons that had the burden of carrying bits of data to another identical set of rocks.
The discovery was quite accidental. The two monks dropped their Palm Pilots at the same time, after tripping on a small log and a chipmunk. The devices landed on piles of Meroculocite, a rare mineral found only in places where fallen angels were cast back onto the earth during the Lucifer rebellion, and instantaneously beamed a recipe for Klingon Blood Pie from one to the other. The beaming was thought to be a miracle because the range of the IR connection on a Palm is only a few feet, and when the devices were dropped the monks were over a thousand feet apart.
The monks eventually worked out that if you tapped the stones while in contact with the Pilot you could send anything over massive distances.
Current production[edit | edit source]
The new R&D team abandoned their "BallBeer" project and set to work commercializing the newly discovered technology. They found that if you connect wire to the rocks you could plug them into virtually any device, and the more and faster you contacted Meroculocite, the faster the data would travel. The larger the chunks the farther you could transmit.
The U.S. Government seized all pieces of Meroculocite larger than 1 lb. in order to limit the range and viability of Wi-Fi. The Government's motive in this action is to limit the free distribution of the Internet. They are fearful that if large amounts of the mineral became available, people all over the world would have unlimited free access to the sum total of human knowledge. Where is the Money and Control in that??
For now Wi-Fi is limited to around 20 miles and only to line of sight (higher grades of Meroculocite can transmit through the Earth).
Effects of Wi-Fi[edit | edit source]
- it can cause autism
- cause brain cancer
- make starvation the new diet
- make money expensive
- organ trade legalized