Zen and juice

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Eat the corn.

Super Meat Boy is a sandwich designed by Don Rickles.

Dietary habits[edit]

Fez was once a normal boy until he found himself locked away in the laundry hamper. That was when the trouble started. Trouble at work, at home, in bed, in the bottle, on the nod. Trouble had set into young Fez and it festered up within him like a cancer, like a ravenous rat clawing its way out of a watermelon.

He tried everything. He converted water into ice, flipped his hair back and forth, placed pearls before swine, and ran around naked because he smoked all of his clothes. Nothing helped the man at the front door find his lost coat and cat, both lost to the turbulent winds of north Northumberland.

Chopped up old hats make the best burritos. Any old wino will tell you that. But to really reach the lights of the prison one must set fire to all the oil drums and stock your refrigerator with nothing but sour milk that was farmed straight out of your dog.


One of these days I’m going to stimulate the economy by buying an American car.

Prologue: Because he was smoking, Hank takes Bobby out back and forces him to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes. And then Peter finds a lump in his chest and goes to the doctor to have it checked out. It turned out to be Fatty Arbuckle. But the bill turns out to be too high so he moves to Beverly Hills to buy Peggy a bra. The Bluth family is unable to bounce back from the recession and is forced to move into model houses located over a sinkhole.

Act 1: One day you are going to wake up and find that all of your eggs have turned into hamsters. And when that day comes you will take the toaster and put it into your mouth and overdoes on bread. The only people who will be willing to watch you almost commit regicide will be the population of a tiny subway car that will roar past you with a blast of black metal grinding out the yellow and orange sparks of a new era.

Act 2: Sometimes I like to dress in drag and get into fights with Count Dracula. This usually results in several bloody noses and hammered toes. But he seems to enjoy getting his jollies from it. Although I once slept with his housemaid in the wedding dress that his father built out of old Vietnamese railroad spikes, he still considers me to be family. After he dies I will be the one to inherit his vast collect of vintage Nazi paraphernalia. I am one lucky man.

Act 3: Meanwhile, back at the barn, Nancy Drew takes an afterschool job to learn responsibility. She uses her money to buy Christmas lights for Mexican homecoming queens. Brad and Janet liken it to being inside the basement. Let us be gone? Yes, let us be gone. The last brick is placed into position. No one will not be none the wiser. Poe looks on out of time and space, milking the dawn for all the flower children.

Act 4: Thunderclouds were gathering in the dark gray sky as I held my toy poodle under my overcoat. It growled and gnawed on my ham sandwich as I waited for the inflatable school bus of the criminally awkward to roll by the chestnut factory. All this will become clear when you cook up your shoes in a pan of leftover nutmeg grease. But by then your favorite baseball team will have had sex change operations and will be rendered useless by extensive shock therapy sessions.

Act 5: Mr. Burns has five dogs and none of them can learn to live in a world without plastic wrap. Homer wishes God was alive to see all this, but all the bullies of Bullworth have put him under the faucet and turned on the cold water. The principal found them naked in the haunted houses of Baltimore, but it was too late to inject the snow into the fireplace.

Epilogue: Some say that the old dark house is haunted, but I think that it is just the home of a serial killer. Makes sense to me. It would explain why the doors are all open and the sky over the roof is melting like an ice cream cone in the gentle breeze of summer. And when the heavily intoxicated governor comes down from his spotless bathroom in the air with its golden toilets and imported Russian sinks, all the breadsticks in France were reduced to smoldering rubble.


Press B to jump and press A to roll around on a pile of dog food in the middle of Germany during the invasion of Poland. Your controller will pulsate to the rhythmic beat of ABBA as you solve puzzles made out of rainbows.

I sell propane and propane paraphernalia. I will swarm all over you and sting you all at once with remorse. Half of us bite and the other half are on defense. My lawn is my flag. It tells the world that I am not Bill. Do you want to be married to Bill? Touch my lawn. It is a lawn that was made to be enjoyed.

All the accountants in this restaurant are smoking bananas.


All your fingers will slowly turn into broccoli and you will grow nipples where your elbows should be. Do not be alarmed. All of your potatoes will be subjected to around the clock digestion, crickets will explode to the sound of your eardrum marching bands, and lilacs will smell of sulfur and tobacco from the old dairy castles.

Gasoline has ruined American. People just stand out in the streets, thumping their chests and screaming about peanut butter. It has gotten so bad that my mother has to travel 3 miles just to moon the governor while celebrity chefs throw watermelons at her.

Critical response[edit]

Despite lackluster sales, the artwork of Neddy Nonothing is admired by vegetables all over the world. And back in the old days when vinegar sold for 300 dinars a pound, no one bother to take in the hoses so that the roads would be less traveled. This would explain why all the fireplaces have developed 16 layers of caked mold.

It was later reported that all the lifeguards of California were ordered to prowl the streets looking for cold cola cans to be feed to the last baboon on the planet Jupiter. Smoking a cigarette while his wife cheated on him with the blind mailman, the detective told a dirty joke to his daughter and shoved the whole box of matches down his throat, thus leading to his demise.

What is Rapture?[edit]

Under the sea there is world unlike any worlds that exist upon the land. And in this world the trains run on time, the buses run on time, the blue movies are all presented in full color, all the clocks tick away the hours at an even pace. It is a perfect, wonderful place.

But then the residents decided that they liked football more than alcohol and it all ended in warfare.

See also[edit]

Streams of unconsciousness

Blueberry LeftoversBo Diddleys (disease)BrapJames Coburn has a BeardSleeping out loudThis is not a gameWonders never ceaseZen and juice