*gets on soapbox*
Hello Illogicopedia. I am the one, the only T3canolis and I'd like to sit down and talk to you about everyday troubles. So sit back and read this so my time wasn't a waste. Thank you.
- 1 You know when you're at a gas station...
- 2 You know when you grab a box of Cheez-Its...
- 3 You know when you're at a restaurant and you order a crab bucket...
- 4 You know when you're at a store and there's a fat person in front of you on a line...
- 5 You know when you're at a store and there's this fearsome looking creature in a dress wearing lots of makeup...
You know when you're at a gas station...
...in a town that's pretty ghetto and there's always that guy that looks like he's eying your car and you're like, "Shit. This guys gonna steal my car," and then you get all antsy and that just makes the gas pump slower? And eventually it fills up and then when you're ready to pull out the car seems like it takes forever to start and that guy starts to slowly walk over. You then break into a sweat but it turns out he's just going into the gas station store. After that you feel bad about yourself because you clearly wouldn't have done that if the guy was white. Racist bastard.
You know when you grab a box of Cheez-Its...
...and you just can't put them down? Yep. It happens to all of us. Don't worry, you're not fat; they're just that good.
If there were Cheezits here right now, I'd be chowing them down. Sometimes I sprinkle barbituates onto cream cheese on a Cheezit, and get wrecked.
You know when you're at a restaurant and you order a crab bucket...
...and you can never quite eat it right? You try to do it correctly by using that little fork thingy but that never works. You then just start cracking it and slurping the meat out of the legs and everyone starts looking at you. Then when you get to the point where you can't slurp anymore you start to pull it out with your hands and everyone looks at you more. And then your hands get covered in crab juice and then you accidentally spill the buttersauce container all over and you try to dry it with your napkins but it never works. You leave the restaurant feeling bad for the guy that has to clean it but don't fret; you're not the first or the last.
You know when you're at a store and there's a fat person in front of you on a line...
...and you're not sure if it's a man or a woman? You can't tell from the back of their body nor the front and you need to ask them to move but you don't know if you should say sir or miss. You then just say, "Excuse me," but of course they don't turn around. You then have to wait ten minutes to check out. Sucks, don't it?
You know when you're at a store and there's this fearsome looking creature in a dress wearing lots of makeup...
...and this one is definitely a man in drag? And he's an ugly man, but he'd be an ugly woman, or manatee or whatever he was, no matter what; the poor bastard is simply ugly. And any other time, you wouldn't pay him a second thought, except he looks at you in a way that you find... disturbing. So, you make sure that where ever he is in the store, you are not? Tiresome, isn't it?