# Barney

Noted historians and conspiracy theorists believe that Barney the Dinosaur is in fact the Anti-Christ spoken of in the Bible (Revelation 13:18 - "This calls for wisdom: let him who has understanding reckon the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man, its number is six hundred and sixty six").

This can be proved using the following simple illogic: When the verse in Revelation was written, Latin was the dominant language. The Roman alphabet contained also the Roman numerals for the time. The letter equivalents are:

I = 1 V = 5 X = 10 L = 50 C = 100 D = 500 M = 1000

"Barney the Dinosaur" = "Cute Purple Dinosaur".
Latin did not have a "u", instead the letter "v" is used. This now becomes:
"CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR" .... dropping non-numbered letters, we are left with:
"CV V L DI V"
This is the equivalent of 100 + 5 + 5 + 50 + 500 + 1 + 5 = 666

Irrefutable proof that Barney the Dinosaur is the Anti-Christ, and therefore EEEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIILLLLL!!

The assassination of Barney

## What the beast looks like

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## Nefarious Plots

Proof of his evilness has been found. His theme song is:

I love you,
You love me'
We're a happy family
With a great big kiss and hug
From me to you
Won't you say you love me to?

Backwards, it is:

uoy evol I
em evol ouy
ylimaf yppah a erew
guh dna ssik gib taerg a htiw
uoy ot em morf
oot em evol uoy yas uoy tnow

Written down it looks like nonsense. But when it is sung backwards, it sounds like this:

Ooh, evil eye
I'm evil, ooh-ey'
Eely Mafia power
Goodness is sick, give target, ew!
Ooh, atom-morph
Ooh, them evil, ooh, yes, ooh, now....

## Anti-Barney Songs

### Joy To The World The Big Man's Dead

(Sung to the tune of "Joy To The World")

Joy to the world
What happened to his body?
We flushed it down the potty
Round and round it goes where the diarrhea flows
Round and round and round it goes!
Five years later, chewin' on his underwear
Eaten by a polar bear!
Chewin' on his underwear
Nine years later, had another barbecue
I had to go to the restroom
I run up the stairs and look in the toilet
Joy to the world
What happened to his body?
We flushed it down the potty
Round and round it goes like Indiana Jones
We watched it go round and round!

### I Hate You

(Sung to the tune of "This Old Man")

I hate you
You hate me
Let's tie Barney to a tree
With an M16 and a pistol full of lead
We just shot off Barney's head
I hate you
You hate me
Let's team up and kill Barney
With an M16, I shot him in the head
Let's watch as the floor turns red
I hate you
You hate me
Barney gave you H.I.V.
So we punched him in the balls and shot him in the head
Now that purple thing is dead
I hate you
You hate me
Let's all go and kill Barney
With a baseball battie
And a Four-by-Four
No more purple dinosaur
I hate you
You Hate Me
Let's tie Barney to a tree!
I'll get the match,
You get the gasoline,
Light the match and watch him scream.
I hate you
You hate me
We're a racist family
So let's kill that big, fat freak they call Barney
Then we will be more happy
I hate you,
You hate me
Let's hang Barney from a tree
With a knife, and a gun, and a bullet through his head
Till that purple thing is dead
I hate you,
You hate me
The ratel army killed Barney
With a gun and a tank and 12 atomic bombs
We're all glad that Barney's gone
I hate you,
You hate me
Let's tie Barney to a tree
Stab him in the back shoot him in the head
Now the purple thing is dead
I hate you,
You hate me
Barney's taken ecstasy
There you see him,lying on the floor
No more purple dinosaur
I hate you,
You hate me
I saw Godzilla kill Barney
With a fire blast that retard then hit the floor
No more stupid dinosaur
I hate you,
You hate me
Barney's stung by a killer bee
And now he's lying dead across the floor
No more purple dinosaur
I hate you,
You hate me
Let's be friends and kill Barney
With a shotgun *BANG BANG*
Barney on the floor
No more purple dinosaur
I hate you,
You hate me
But let's get together and KILL Barney
With a great big bazooka

### On Top of Old Oakey

(Sung to the tune of "On Top Of Old Smokey")

```On Top of a old oakey
All covered in blood
I shot evil Barney
With a .500 stud
```
```I went to his fun'ral
I went to his grave
Some people threw flowers
```
```Now Sorry for Barney
all covered in red
And now you can all see
```
```I dug up the body
and cloned the remains
And just for the pleasure
I killed him again
```

### Deck the Halls

(A violent Christmas favorite)

```Deck the Halls with bloody dino
Hahahahahahahahaha
See the nuke charge like a rhino
Hahahahahahahahaha
Barney's dead on Christmas day right
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now There's nothing left to say right
Hahahahahahahahaha
```
```Evil mind controller's gone
Hahahahahahahahaha
His remains lay on the lawn
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now the world is safe again
Hahahahahahahahaha
No more counting one through ten
Hahahahahahahahaha
```
```Barney's evil scheme is ruined
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now the studio is suin'
Hahahahahahahahaha
Oops! They ran out in less than an hour
Hahahahahahahahaha
Barney has lost all his power
Hahahahahahahahaha
```
```Deck the halls with heads of Barney
Hahahahahahahahaha
Serves him right for being crummy
Hahahahahahahahaha
Now let's sing this song again
Hahahahahahahahaha
This song shall never end
Hahahahahahahahaha*
* Repeat
```

### Barney and Friends Theme Song (sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle)

```Barney was a dinosaur
from our imagination,
Put him in the microwave,
```
```Barney was a dinosaur
From our imagination,
He stuck a pencil up his arse
And died from constipation!
```
```Barney is a dinosaur
From our imagination
Kick him in the balls
And he will die from constipation!
```

### Jingle Bells

(Another violent Christmas favorite)

```Dashing through the snow
On a pair of broken skis
Downhill Barney goes
Crashing into trees
The snow is turning red
Now let's go get a two-by-four and hit him on the head
```
```Jingle Bells, shotgun shells
We struck him with a two-by-four
And shot him in the head
```
```Baby Bop, Baby Bop
Tried to save his life
But an action man from Pakistan
Stabbed her with a knife
```

(Especially fun around the campfire)

```Row, row, row, your boat
gently down the stream
Push Barney overboard
And listen to him scream
```
```Five days later
took a 12-gauge shotgun
```

### ABCs

(Just for fun!)

```A, B, C, D, E, F, G
Barney is my enemy!
Hit 'im with a piece of lead
Now we know that Barney's dead!
Now you know I hate Barney
Next time won't you sing with me!
```

### Take Me Out to Kill Barney

(To the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"

```Take me out to kill Barney
Take me out to his show
Get me a gun and a baseball bat
I don't care if it takes too slow
And we'll shoot, shoot, shoot, to kill Barney
Until he hits the floor
For it's one, two, three, gunshots wounds
No more purple dinosaur
```