Cat fluffer
The cat fluffer was a device created by Aristotle to help cats seem more human. But when Charles Dawwin came along, he had a huge erection. Cutting off his work on the fluffer, and having disposed of his 976 or so cats, he moved in with Darwin and rode him like a donkey. They both died of suffocation that same day, and then their hotel was struck by intergalactic-grade lightning which disposed all evidence. The result of all this was a lot of rejoicing and feasting all over the world, and St. Patrick's Dick was created in honor of this historic day. On this same day (22 October) SpongeBob would later get his Driving License, an impregnable artifact imbued with incredible power. However, since it cannot work in the presence of anything living (especially sponges), SpongeBob stuck it in his microvac and then committed suicide using a magical paper clip created by Microsoft, that goes by the name of Clippy.