Microsoft
“Microsoft sucks!”
Microsoft is a well known home development company that started out in the business stealing computer monitors from Apple and using them as windows.
Packages[edit | edit source]
- 95 Windows.
- 98 Windows, limited time offer.
- Full houses, complete with Windows of course.
- Gates.
Competitors[edit | edit source]
- Shitty Mac users, naturally.
- Warning: this section was not written by a Microsoft Officer
Microsoft users use tools of mass destruction. What a concept!
They are quiet and don't like arguing with stupid Mac users about which computer is better. All they want is to play with viruses (can't do THAT on a Mac (unless you have a VM). Mac users are virus coders and are hating on their own computers heaps of trash, for some weird reason, and don't seem to realize that Microsoft is benevolent and merciful to all repentant Mac and Linux users (most likely homosexuals). Mac users boast that their computers are "cooler looking". Well, maybe they are. But looks aren't everything...
Microsoft Users[edit | edit source]
- You, which is great, hail Microsoft!
- Your Mom, see above.
- Adam West, staring in horror at the Sad Microsoft computer that is his screen.
- Oprah, trying to write her script but keeps getting the autonomous shutdown.
What Microsoft Can Do[edit | edit source]
- Nothing, except boast their superior operating system and their supreme intergalactic government. And also provide power and intelligence for countless worlds. And superior networking. And food and water and everything else that feels good inside you.
What Mac Can Do[edit | edit source]
- Be annoying. Especially when that gay-ass Apple logo is in your face.
- Take up space, on your desk and in your bin.
- Annoy decent computer users (usually Microsoft users), because they like smashing good operating systems to bits. Sledgehammers ain't light to be carrying around for a day.
- Force a whole nation (India) to grab their guns (pitchforks) and head out to the PC factory to do some Microsoft huntin'. Of course in the end they'll lose.
- Rape John McAfee (most important person in the world).
