Cillit Bang

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Clean all your coins!

“Hi, I'm Barry Scott (Makes mouth movements)”

~ Barry Scott on that dubbed advert

BANG! and the dirt is gone. Cillit Bang is a cleaning fluid that removes anything[1]... even yamama yoghourt and tartar sauce.

History[edit | edit source]

Invented by Johann Gambolputty von Ausfern-Splenden-Schlittel-Crasscrenbon-Fried-Digger-Dingle-Dangle- Dongle-Dungle-Burstein-von-Ticolensic-Grander-Knotty-Spelltinkle-Grandlich-Grumblemayer- Spelterwasser-Kurstlich-This-Is-Beggining-To-Drag-On-Himbleeisen-Nörnburger-Bratwurstle-Gersputen-Mitz VII, Cillit Bang was originally made to be a water substitute for sodiers fighting in France. However, after discovering that it really dissolved the soldiers insides into a goopy mess, Johan realized it was best used a cleaning fluid. He named it "Cillit Bang" because it killed his soldiers with a bang.

Chemical components[edit | edit source]

Cillit Bang was orignally developed when Johann dumped a canister of arsenic into his cookie mix. Not wanting to make another batch, he preceeded to make the cookies, which eventually[2] turned into Cillit Bang.

Customer[3] Testimonials[edit | edit source]

“Removes bloodstains perfectly!”

~ Serial killer on Cillit Bang

“Removes your annoying roommate who keeps asking you for $20!”

~ Silent Penguin on Cillit Bang

“I know it was used in the Eighth World War by Suiseiseki against the Dirigibles and Super Japan

~ Desu on Random Insanity

“It made my mum go away.”

~ emo4eva on Cillit Bang

See also, Dung Beetles[edit | edit source]

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. Some assembly required.
  2. After completely revising, changing, and rethinking the recipe with new ingredients, amounts, and complete lack of cookie mix whatsoever.
  3. Paid actors

External links[edit | edit source]