Dorney

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Dorney is possibly the best place ever invented. Located in the South East of England it is very near the River Thames and Windsor, yet appropriately far away from Slough and its neighbours such as Burnham where Hicky lives and he really really hates grungers. There is only one bad bit about Dorney and that is its SL4 postcode.

History

The first pineapple was grown there and the name Dorney literally means 'the island of the bees.'

A pineapple.

Since medieval times Dorney has been ruled by Lord Andy 'the deathless'. He is a god and has been known to bench press the other inhabitants of Dorney. He is also known as: the destroyer of Islamists; the ploughman; the country king, the woodsman; the marksman and the man who could never possibly get AIDs because he would simply brush it off as he does with pikey caravan trains.

Highlights

Split into three parts, Dorney has two pubs, the Pineapple and The Palmer arms, neither of which lie in Dorney Reach, the god awful council housing project built late in the 21st century, purely to house the massive influx of people arriving in their masses from inferior places (see Slough.) It is okay though as it is widely considered as a foreign place to Dorney and a disgrace that it even shares the same county let alone the name. The best parts of Dorney are the brothel (cunningly hidden as an erotic massage company) It is called Chantelles and can be found by clicking the following link [1] It is located in central Dorney and is found on one of the bends mid way along Lake End Road, called Dorney Cottage. Dorneys other major attraction is the flood relief. This piece of construction wizardry has just recently been created and is designed to help stop Maidenhead from flooding. It is more popularily used as a place to "hurl your horrific youth carcass off" of many of its bridges into the water devoid of shopping trolleys, which is more than can be said of the Thames, or simply to hide your murder victims (see Islam.)

Politics

This is DEFINATELY not Dorney

Their isn't a political stance in Dorney, just an annual bonfire and camp songs in the firelight with pitchforks. Having said this Dorney is technically a dictatorship under the wise leadership of Lord Andy 'the deathless'.

Inhabitants

Largely farmers or farmers sons, the females of these farmers can be found in the kitchen. This trend does not apply to Dorney Reach however as they do not have jobs, even in agriculture. They just claim benefits from the English government who are more than happy to give them money. The Dorney Reach inhabitants just sit at home having rampant sex with their sister and wait until their checks come in the post, and then they just fritter their money on alcohol and cigarettes but NOT contraception. Vegetarians are not allowed in Dorney, and if one is caught being in Dorney the Dorney police will make them eat an entire antelope raw. The tricky part however is finding it and catching it.

Diet

Here is a list of what the Dorney inhabitants eat: Meat.

Activities

Here is a list of what Dorney inhabitants do in their spare time:

1. Drink.
2. Farm.

A typical day in the life of a Dorney inhabitant

• Wake up at 5.44 am.
• Eat a bowl of meatios.
• Stack some hay.
• Nap on the stacked hay.
• Lunch.
• Un-stack the hay.
• Re-stack the hay.
• Afternoon snack followed by a snooze on the re-stacked hay.
• Cut more hay.
• Feed the livestock.
• Have brutal sex with your wife who has just finished the cleaning.
• Let her recover from her punctured lung and pinch of the spinal cord while you fall asleep and have nightmares about not being able to eat meat.