Hotel California is a location
on a dark desert highway in Rock Star Hell reserved for the very very famous and very very on drugs. People inside are spared from having to mingle with everybody else in Regular Hell (which is for unsigned artists and fans) by Satan. This was revealed in a backwards message hidden in the film, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Yes, Hell does make your head grow heavy and your sight grow dim look exactly like it was presented in the film. It was filmed on location!
Those in Hotel California can
hear the mission bell check out anytime they like, but they can never leave. There is, however, an unlimited, all-you-can-shoot drug buffet.
(This differs only marginally from Roach Motel, where they check in but they don't check out™; the distinction is retained solely for branding purposes.)
Qualifications for entry[edit | edit source]
Welcome to the Hotel California.
Qualifications for admission to Hotel California:
- Being on drugs.
- Being really famous.
- Being really on drugs.
- Having ridiculous conspiracy theories written about you on the internet. (preferably involving aliens)
- Being really really on drugs.
- Being really really famous and dying in a mysterious way. (This is the most important qualification and may allow entrance to people who haven't met the other qualifications.)
- Being creepy.
- Being dead.
- Being not dead.
- Being really creepy.
- Being really really really on drugs.
Any time of year, you can find it here. Additional optional qualifications include having albums that synchronize with films and containing lots of backwards hidden messages. And being really really really really on drugs.
People known to have checked in to Hotel California[edit | edit source]
These are arranged by check-in time.
February 3, 1959[edit | edit source]
October 3, 1966[edit | edit source]
- Paul McCartney (the REAL Paul McCartney)
August 16, 1977[edit | edit source]
- Elvis Presley
September 7, 1978[edit | edit source]
April 5, 1994[edit | edit source]
June 25, 2009[edit | edit source]
July 23, 2011[edit | edit source]
Amy Jade Winehousewe haven't had that spirit here since 1969. Go to rehab, already!
How will I know?, 2012[edit | edit source]
- Whitney Houston
2016[edit | edit source]
Too many to list. In fact, the chairman of the organisation, a certain Mr. Frey, checked in this year.
He can never leave.