HowTo:Mysteriously Disappear

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Whether it's in the middle of the night or whilst shooting at cops through your sunroof, disappearing mysteriously is a skill we all have to use at least twice during our life time.

Generally having to disappear without a trace is unintentional and should be avoided if possible. But sometimes, like when a bearded man looks at you funny, vanishing is inevitable. In this guide we show you innovative methods to disappear in an easy language for your average disappearing guy on the street.

Easy Ways to Disappear[edit]


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For you out there whose parents shredded your letter from Hogwarts, or aren't Jesus or are lacking any imagination there are a few tried and tested ways to disappear mysteriously. Often leaving only a bloody puddle behind you:

  • Wear a fake moustache and glasses - "woah where'd you go?"
  • Go to math class for a change
  • Google-search "Google"
  • Squeal on the mafia
  • Squeal on the illogia
  • Excrete on Harry Potter's face and then confirm to him your hetrosexuality
  • Mysteriously disapear
  • Enter ChanServ's apartment unarmed
  • Take part in "The History of Razor-Sharp Glass Museum Olympics"
  • Shoot everyone in the world's eyes out
  • Cover your eyes (this works for two year olds)
  • NOT tell everyone you know about Illogicopedia
  • Swim right into the centre of the Bermuda Triangle and as you drift there ominously repeatedly say in an overloud and carrying voice "Yep, Nothing spooky is going to happen to me here. Yep, this is the safest place in the world. Did you here that merpeople, you're a bunch of harmless girlpa-AAAAAAAAAARRGH!!!"
  • Consult The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness, the sheer fluffiness of which will fluffalize you, dissolving you into pure, fluffy energy.