HowTo:Protect your cat from evil psychic influences

There are evil things in the world. These things want to possess the soul of your cat, making it more evil than it already is. Primates are immune, oh yes. Regis Philbin too. What sort of pretentious douche would purposefully name their son Regis?

Remember the original Star Trek series? Boy, that was some hokey shit. Buoyancy is key, don't forget

Inhalation

Inhale air. This is important, otherwise you can't do anything. Then time and causality will cease to have any meaning for you personally. Oh, sure, those you leave behind may scoff and denigrate a good faith effort on your part, but how can you be sure someone will defend your reputation when you're dead?

Hieronymus Bosch

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Replace all your spark plugs with a German brand. Strap left cinching hook to ginger falking atoll grommets. Fish scientists used to go

bonkers thinking about this. Which Hieronymus to bet the farm on. During the first world war, illegitimate children were invented for purposes of propaganda. Without the gift of gab, some of us would never have made it this far.

No, seriously, though. Hieronymus Bosch ought to be banned, just like this Cthulhu cult with the Necronomicon book thing. Jesus, I never thought I'd see the day when something so easily researched can be so profoundly misconstrued.

Sources

• There's a whole at the bottom of the sea,

There's a whole at the bottom of the sea.

There's a whole, there's a whole,

There's a whole at the bottom of the sea.

• Recurring nightmares and hallucinations

• South Park (yes, the television show)

• Immense wolf packs