IllogiNews:Estonia declared disaster area

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This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.

NEW YORK, New York, USA -- The World Health Organization (WHO), under the auspices of the United Nations, has unilaterally declared the country of Estonia (or the continent of Estonia, if you're Sarah Palin) a "health disaster to all humans and dogs" after a user of the wiki Illogicopedia began publishing articles which "affect the autonomic and voluntary nervous systems of humans and canines in such a way as to cause the shitting of pants, coughing like a hyena, ear biting, cricket ball swallowing, attraction of lightning, magnetism of hands, feet and paws and sultry other catastrophic events as to screw with people and their dogs lives. Indeed, this user had such a power of tablenackian kaizumery that the grammar, and indeed, even the sentence structures of this very article, affected are they as such, thusly. Indeed.

So, thusly is the border of that belated country (continent if you're an idiot with presidential ambitions. Well, she thought that Africa is country, at least, so using a sort of logic, we might deduce or adduce, or even nduce a suppostitional standsworthy acreage, such as "I can see Russia from my back deck"... )

One might ask the same of the Thessalonians, if indeed they were cognizant of word processing. Snorch.

Having seen the cartoons, I might have thought that Snorches exist. They address all communications in the form of grunts, similar to the noised I make for my dog's benefit. His name was Gordon Gordon. Apropos to the urge to scurry away from Estonia, we must bear in mind that there is only one verified Illogicopedia user, calling him/herself User:XY007.

Thus far, User:XY007 exhibits vanity, pokemon attraction and weasels. These are symptomatic of an early state of "the transformation", so the user is most likely not contagious. However, the user may at any time throw a trantrum ((a tantrum during a trance state) relative to current barometric pressure in Boston, Massachusetts, USA (USA! USA! USA! (shit, how did Stephen Colbert get in here?))See? I'm even altering grammar to resemble coding of functions. Got my doctor on speed dial? You bet!).

Citizens of Estonia are advised to stay indoors until you hear a truck with loudspeakers announcing that all is clear. Upon exiting their domains, they are also advised to pray to a deity of their choice, wash a 3 by 3 meter area within 6 meters of their domicile, stack a pyramid of cedar wood topped with a statue of a cartoon character and set the whole thing on fire, chanting "O mani padme humbug".

Residents of Finland, Latvia, Lithuania and Japan are instructed to ignore all emails from Estonia, and otherwise, act as if nothing is going on.

You are all safe. Believe in the Source.