IllogiNews:Horoscopes for November, 2010

Here is your horoscope for this fine month.

• Aries - You will be eaten by the big banana. Expect an atom bomb to erupt in your girlfriend's stomach next week.
• Taurus - The stars say that you are going to get hit in the head with a Super Mario block. A twist of fate, I suppose.
• Gemini - You will die on a roller coaster due to your incompetence. Please exit this internets tube immediately.
• Cancer - You will never give up smoking. What you gonna do, cry about it?
• Leo - You will fall in a bowl of chili without any form of beans. Wear a big hat.
• Virgo - The location of Jupiter says that you will become a billionaire after your long lost cousin passes away. But, that's just Jupiter's way of saying "November Fools!" Please expect a pie bomb from Glenn Beck tomorrow.
• Libra - You don't exist. You never did. You never will. Quit imagining crap.
• Scorpio - That math test will eat you alive. Literally.
• Sagittarius - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• Capricorn - This Thanksgiving, you will gain 345555 pounds. No joke. Lay off the stuffing.
• Aquarius - Your husband will be leaving you for Lisa Gleave. Don't pass GO. Don't collect $200.
• Pisces - I hate you. Go to Nasty King!
• Flapjack - Expect a nuke from Iran in your toilet tonight.
• Glap-Uhhh - You'll make a good ugg one day.
• NO MOAR! - Yeah, horoscopes are hard to think of!