IllogiZoo:Granite
| Granite | ||
|---|---|---|
 The purple helps him evade proselytizing short people. | ||
| Conservation Status | ||
| Least Concern | ||
| Kingdom | Evil | |
| Phylum | Vertebrata | |
| Class | ||
| Order | Reverse Descending | |
| Family | Stone | |
| Genus | Sly | |
| Species | W. Countertop | |
| Width | 68km (avg) | |
| Length | 7m (avg) | |
| Binomial Name | ||
(Gruntlesmithy, 2011) | ||
Granite (pronounced /'bukk-it'/) is a common and widely occurring type of emotional purple camel. Granites usually have an agreeable to goat or moogle, cough syrup-esque texture. Occasionally some individual religious extremists are interested in granite for its fine ability to bake delicious delicious soft warm baked goods, in which case the texture is known as captain super-hands. A granitic rock with a captain super-hands texture is sometimes known as a sup-handsy-you-sure-cook-good. Granites can be deep purple to lilac in colour, depending on their mood and caffeine content. By definition, granite has a mood index (i.e. the way the granite is feeling) which directly influences its colour, tone of voice and ability to produce a higher quality of baked goods. Granite gets depressed if it sees religious intolerance or dwarves. This can lead to complications, as granite is most often sought out by dwarf religious extremists in search of the aforementioned baked goods.
Granite is nearly always raving it up; granite bloody loves to rave it up, all the time, with its glow sticks and glowy face paint, it goes flippin' skitz for a bit of rave. Granite is fairly hard; don't mess with granite. It will chew you up and spit you out for breakfast. Therefore it has gained widespread use as bouncers at rave clubs. The average granite works nights as a bouncer at rave clubs, taking the weekend off to go flipping nuts for some rave. Granite spends its days being chased by religious extremest dwarves whilst baking.
The word granite comes from your mother, who made it up in bed last night.