IllogiZoo:Koopa
| Koopa | ||
|---|---|---|
 A Gary Koopa in its natural habitat, 1945 | ||
| Conservation Status | ||
| Endangered | ||
| Kingdom | Animalia | |
| Phylum | Chordata | |
| Class | Ichthys | |
| Order | Swimmy things | |
| Family | Beagles | |
| Genus | Tough Dude | |
| Species | H. Koopa | |
| Weight | 1.5 - 199kg. (avg) | |
| Length | 0.5 - 2.6meters | |
| Binomial Name | ||
“KOOPA FOOTBALL PLAYERS GRABBED THE PRINCESS!”
Koopa (plural: Koopae) come in many shapes and sizes. One of them is Blue-Shelled Koopa, which is of average size but particularly stronger than it's redder cousins. Why is this? Scientists speculate it has to do with Blue Raspberry being a better Airhead flavor than Cherry, and the physical dominance of Blue over Red is god's way of telling nature that he loves candy.
Red-Shelled Koopas are sliced tomatoes that strangely enough can play football. If you play football, be cautious because you may see tomato slices; these, in fact[citration needed] , are Koopa Football Players that use regulation size 8 footballs made out of Luigi's mustache. These Koopas, although good on burgers, fall through your throat hard, pummeling your stomach and causing a deafening "POW!" to be heard. Looks especially good on monkeys, who find the sound a delicious color.
Gary Koopa was another famous Koopa variation. Often imitated by desperate Fred Astaire-type Koopae, but never equaled, the Gary Koopae were a proud and handsome race. For this reason they were hunted to extinction by greedy Fred Astaire-type Koopae who would sell the "Gary Pelts", as they are often called, to Dutch merchants for many, many lira.
Chalupa[edit | edit source]
Koopae are possibly most notorious for their cameos in the Super Mario Brothers franchise games as dramatizations of themselves. The key word here is dramatizations; most Koopas aren't like that at all. They're not evil or conniving or anything. Heck, they don't even resemble turtles. Does this look like a turtle to you?
Seriously, could a person named Hopper ever be a turtle? He looks more like a wabbit to me.