Illogicium (Latin for illogicus officinalis) is a dysmorphous blob of matter and the final period on the elemental table. It doesn't feel well about it and is thus very sad. "Elemental, my dear Sawton, for he doesn't live, therefore, he is inorganic!" "Illogical", answers Taswon.
Illogicium is an inorganic element whose sole purpose is to rearrange the atoms of everything surrounding it, making it an efficient permutator which creates chaos. Eating it isn't advised as once it passes through your liver urine will rise into your Brian. How would that feel to have all that pee sloshing around in there? You don't want to know! How do I know that? Yes!
Great uses for illogicium haven't been discovered yet. However, it is the perfect chemical for death penalty as it makes mummies change lightulbs.
Gibble gabble gibble gabble gibble gobble, no, gabble, gibble, gibbleiyutus gabbleiyutus, this isn't Harry Potter, gibble gobble gibble gobble gibble gobble gibble gible gabite garchomp, nope, not Bogumon either, gabble, gibble, gabble... you see how it is. Illogicium is the one that shaped the long ago lost minds of Illogicopedians! If they were to obtain their minds back, who knows what might happen to le wiki. We must not let that happen and instead must keep this element at the bottom of the Earth where it belongs! It is dirty! It is sinful! It is communist! Seriously, it's pretty dirty. It really needs to take a shower.
But you get what I get! We are on the same boat here! You're on a boat. I'm on a boat. Don't you ever forget.
That's what this piece of non-living matter is. It is a very serious matter! So pull your pants up. No more pornication for you. It will spy on you while you sleep with me, while you make me a sandwich, while you stay in the kitchen and even when you occasionally fetch me a beer. Stop right there, sexist scum! You are not allowed to roam the Earth as you please! The god of ungodliness, Dada, approves and will send you to rebel against him.
You see? That section wasn't supposed to come yet! It cut in line!
Oh yeah? Well, what are you going to do about it, huh? Let's hear it! BAZOOKA TIME! Death to all teddy bears!
Oh wait! Yes! This is what this page was supposed to be: a call of help! Let me fetch my phone: what was the number of help again?
Remember kids: don't text for help. Cry for help. Preferably when calling someone.