John Mayer
God, what a bringdown.
“We're going down, and you know that we're doomed. My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.”
John Mayer is a pop singer from America. (That means he went to America on the Mayflower.) He names his influences as "Adam" and "Eve," and also blues. The blues turn him "Kind of Blue" from time to time, which is why he uses makeup heavily. He is also noted as the first musical Joe to successfully wrestle the triplet rhinocerouses of Muzak, Power Pop, and sunglasses jazz to rise to the pinnacle of the garbage heap that is contemporary cigarette butts.
In high school, he resented school marms and their nagging. Experience in the real world knocked this out of him.
A full year after his career began, they gave him his saxophone back.
In 2003, he rode the down-escalator from third floor: success. A crisis involving a spaceship landed him smack dab in a form of purgatory in which the radios and other electronic equipment don't work. Thus he was unable to listen to his singles. After the end of this unplanned vacation, he was back on top! Of the lighthouse, that is.
His wealth and fame drove him to a coke habit. However, he had no idea what to do with the cocaine, and ended up smearing it on a canvas. The painting sold for thousands at auction. It was a fine painting.
He will go on to play in a band called "Fort Knox." The ensemble will release their first LP, entitled "the weirds," in 2027.
His career will end in one of the following ways:
- Pants explosion.
- Declared "band cruft" and deleted.
- Run out of guitar ointment.
- Wizened.
- Fishing accident.
I'll see him in a shoe.
“I was born in a shoe.”
“We're never gonna beat this, if belief is what we're fighting for.”