Kudjee Bear

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A typical Kudjee bear partaking in the affairs of degenerated Neanderthals.

A Kudjee Bear is kazoo-playing master debater of the incubator within the elevator that we'll all take a ride in later with a hater of satyrs.

Outwardly behavioral characteristics[edit]

Kudjee bears have the unadulterated tendency to "hijack the frequencies," which is basically going all up in your personal space at the worst moments possible and start imitating the weird animal calls of Michael Jackson. Whenever they are not around a helpless victim of their unrelenting hijacking, Kudjee bears waste away their lives by imitating computer voices reminiscent of the greatest guest singer in a late-90s song ever (no, not MC Fusion of Credit to the Nation), eating fermented fish faces stuffed with sausages, and dressing up like Admiral Akbar to weddings (they think marriages are traps; they draw you in with their great appeal, but once the couple says "I do," they are given the overwhelming responsibility of... responsibility).

Social behvior[edit]

It is a strictly observed law amongst the bears that at least one of the bears who may convene to plot the harassment of another victim must bring along a cassette player of black metal and vapourwave. Another one must bring the faces of freshly caught salmon to snack on while they converse. Kudjee bears then talk about things you wouldn't ever talk about around a conservative liberal mediator, which is how Communist ideologies should be implemented into running a potential Martian colony, what would happen if you used rubbing alcohol, napalm, sulfur, and nitroglycerin to make a Molotov cocktail and hurl it at your neighbor's garden of Carrion flowers, and what Santa's beard would taste like.

Adding on to their political lunacy, Kudjee bears are usually supporters of the Greek Green Party and attempt to rig the votes every single year by "hijacking the frequencies" of Democratic or Republican voters so that the Greed Green Party can win the election and therefore grant access to legal marijuana to everybody.

Female Kudjee bears[edit]

"Don't mind me, boys. My swing is only strong enough to knock out an elephant, so why the faces?"

It is a rare though required practice of a female Kudjee bear to "keep the pieces," which is when said female brings a blunt weapon like a bat so that the males and other females can be kept in line (when bored, male Kudjee bears attempt to recreate the protests of Tiananmen Square using chiropractors, dirt, old tires from the side of the road, and a whole lot of LSD. Female Kudjee bears may also participate in the recreation of the protests by throwing napalm and phosphoric acid at the males). The phrase "keep the pieces" refers to the metaphorical act of keeping the pieces of the male Kudjees' sanity under control, upon which the phrase also derives from "keeping the peace."

Unlike their barbaric male opposites, female Kudjee bears are far less insane and tend to be more sinister in behavior. They still do the things mentioned earlier in this article, but a lot less often. Instead, they like to read the manifestos of people who write manifestos and rob the rich of their money to fund the annual Kudjee Bear Palooza, an event consisting of fighting and secks and extortion on a massive scale.

They're also very scary to look at with that perpetually twisted smile and murderous eyes.

No wonder there's a rapidly decreasing population of Kudjee bears around the world... they might just be as deceptive as black widows. That explains the misogynistic behavior of male Kudjee bears these days whenever one of them simply blurts out "Kids!"

“Ooh, this leather jacket's cow flavored! And there's cow juice to go along with that? I ought to swing by the slaughterhouse more often!”

~ Female Kudjee bear when out shopping

Notable Kudjee bears[edit]


Need we say more about this one?


With that ridiculous green tie and hat, this one hijacks plenty of park ranger frequencies.