Messenger Pigeons
Messenger Pigeons are quite the efficient medium for communication; squabble some gunk onto filthy paper and ship it off to ol' King Chung in China or something similar. Developed as an alternative to deceptively slow intra-net, messenger pigeons quickly regained use after the meltdown of the note in bottle system.
Bottles broke, bottles allowed for fading, bottles generally sucked. And intra-net? That stuff just gave everyone a dirty look and pooped their emails out the printer. One could never tell if they were actually sent or not.
When, suddenly...[edit | edit source]
- A bird lands on a man's head, steals his hat, and moves this hat to another man. Hence, the messenger pigeon is born: born to be bred, raised, and trained to live a controlled disturbing life under the controls of humans.
Hormones plagued the market within two years. Scientists were beefing up the birds to the point where they could only fly, all the time. They weren't able to stop. Or eat. This lead to the discovery of the excreto-food gene, wherein more scientists manipulated the cesspool known as DNA into a machine, a machine that would fit the demands of any messenger pigeon manager. The excreto-food gene allowed pigeons to fly constantly, whilst producing mounds and mounds of nutritious poop, which fell into the mouths of the flightful others, allowing a never ending flight of the pigeons to continue, shipping messages abroad.
Of course, the system was miserably executed. Birds crashed, landed on trees (before flightlessless birds were engineered) and they tended to follow migrational patterns seasonally, sending mail south, or north, depending on the month. The pigeons tended to poop on their messages as well—unnecessary white out for mistakes not made.
Overall, it's important to remember that, no matter what anyone tells you, messenger pigeons were responsible for the modern upheaval of political science. And never forget that.