Paper

Were you looking for newspaper?

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“Most everybody use this.™”

~ Dr. DUuH

First of all, paper is usually white. If it's not, then you have found the layer of cheese. Most people, upon seeing paper, say "holy jeebs!!"

Paper is made to eat in great quantities. The best place to find it is in a school, under the table. Once you hungrily devour the table, you eat the paper as a snack. Paper is also hung by the toilet. After you poo, wipe yourself with it and dispose of it humanely or face the wrath of the Toilet Protocol Violation Unit.

What happens when you eat high-quality paper

The highest-quality paper is drawn on, and you eat the paper and pen. Then you choke on the pen. While thrashing around to avoid suffocation, the pen will pierce the back of your neck, splattering blood everywhere. The noise and blood will attract an unwelcome visitor. You are now eaten by a grue. Who, in turn, hits a eurg, and causes mass asplosion.