Science

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Science. Sort of.

“She blinded me with science”

“S - I - E - N - C - E. Science”

~ Spelling bee contestant

“That is incorrect.”

~ Spelling bee judge

“Shit.”

~ Contestant

Science is a funny word to write. Try writing it. It's weird. It's like, a s and a c and then an i and stuff. Very difficult to write. I had to write it multiple times for this article, and it was tough. Then my mom told me I could copy and paste. It's genius.

Science was invented in the year 1908 by a man named Arthur Slink. He invented when he was a bar with his friends playing "Weird Word Wednesdays". "It's about time we come up with a weird word. How does... 'Science' sound? I mean, it has a 's' and a 'c'! It's flippin' brilliant!" The rest of his drunk friends laughed and tried to write it down on a napkin. They couldn't. "Take that, assholes!" said Slink. In celebration of creating this word, he went and watched Toy Story three consecutive times.

Science is used mainly by people, but sometimes less advanced life forms, such a single-celled bacteria and algae use science to their advantage. They use science to catch fish and distract things like antibiotics. The bacteria say: "Hey, white blood cells and antibodies! Spell 'Science'!", and when they are trying, the bacteria goes by and infects cells. The algae says: "Hey, doofus. Ya, I'm talking to you, you stupid yellow spotted bass. Spell 'Science', and I'll give you a prize." The fish tries to spell it, and while it is distracted, the aglae strangles the fish and eats it.

Science is also the designated term for "Complicated shit". Many people try to teach Science to kids, but they all think about pizza or ducks instead.

Science, as a factoid of a matter, is a parasite attached to living oraganisms, giving them chilling looks, dry facts, and heightned sense of duty. In case you didn't know about the 2019 meteor collition that promised to wiped out science as we know, nor do I. But one thing for sure my hunch tells me, there's something quietly, silently hidden in Arctic. Possibly science, at his bare smelly feet, as we never known him or equally her, in case a womenly gaze is reading this.

With the current heated debate between Ben Shapiro and the questionable coconuts of the educated middle-class, they agreed at last that a dark sciency hair ball lies at the far end of the tunnel. So you better bring an umbrella in case it explodes, for scientists, agents of the devil/science, have cowered our frozen souls into a corner. Claim back your factoids now from that parasite! And no, solving rudiment sciency exercises doesn't make you a math genius. At best, a sheep looking through the glass window.

In 1807, Dora the explorer hinted in her brainwashing show that people tried to make science, but it hadn't been invented yet, so they didn't. Her bag shouted at the end at Dora's Freudian slip, "Huh?"

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY[edit]

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