Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood him

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“Huîtres Rockefeller”

“Massage my feet or I'll build my OWN railroad!”

~ Rockefeller on Ballin'
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Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him lives in a pumpkin, shrouded in secretions. One time per month, Anonymous tells us, he sheds something called his knickers and relatively engages in projectile discretion. Members of the self-empowerment program Eugenics gather at this time of month in pumpkin splotches around the world, hoping to catch a glimpse -- and perhaps a taste -- of Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him. This has resulted in their being singled out as a leading cause of anorexia, but this being completely true, it has yet to be proven.

Early Life[edit | edit source]

Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him had no early life to speak of. Conceptually this is plausible but it's all relative, so that's probably true too.

As we understood Him, Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him was lounging around well before dinosaurs, as much as 5,001 years ago. In a strange twist of events, His father and mother were also His children, who in turn were also Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him. This is necessary because it gives followers of Eugenics a sense of continuity.

Some scholars dispute the theory that He was orange-flavored. It's too bad that they all have deflective jeans, but are too stupid to admit it.

Hobbies[edit | edit source]

Some things Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him enjoys doing:

  • erasing past wongs
  • removing wongs from the present
  • assisting people in taking fearless inventories of their deflective jeans
  • preventing future wongs from occuring

Controversy[edit | edit source]

For obvious reasons, Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him has traditionally been misunderstood. Some claim that this is part of his charm, but as was shown by reverse Polish notation in 352 AD, this assertion is now regarded as laughable.

Did You Know?[edit | edit source]

Nelson D. Rockefeller as we understood Him's wong shattered the previous record by a stunning brazillion Kevin Bacons.

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