Oh noes!!! There's AIDS in my salad!
Salad? I thought you meant swimming pool... Yikes. Dodged a bullet there, eh? Wait... You did mean swimming pool? Shit! I knew skinny dipping was a bad idea!
Oh, Nose![edit | edit source]
We've lived together for so long, Nose! How could this happen? How could you have kept such a secret from me? It seems that you knew all about my private business when I never knew about any of yours.
Oh, Nose, this is agony. How can we remain together like this? We had such a beautiful friendship. Many bagels and ice cream sundaes excluding nuts were consumed. Yet a lifetime of memories was tarnished once you set foot in my salad pool. Now I may never look at you the same.
It's been a year and now the young sandy-haired maiden holds the bagels, with a smug yet sinister look on her face, shortly before she misplaces her virescent compartment.
We could have had such a wonderful future together, Nose. I could have taught you received pronunciation. Received pronunciation! You would have been held in such high esteem, like a proper gentleman. You're no gentleman. You're just a fraud. No wonder you were so good at jacks.
There's snails in my creamed corn![edit | edit source]
We have suffered a crushing blow in the kitchen! I knew we shouldn't have bought our wares from the generic supermarket. Their low, low prices can only mean low, low quality.
But wait! Is that a door-to-door creamed corn salesman, offering her wares from an unsteady wheelbarrow? Great McGillicutty, we'll take twenty! The snails will be donated to our good acquaintance's large menagerie. Thank goodness it's not made of glass. Delivering those was quite a turmoil and a struggle.
Scrambled eggs on a Tuesday?[edit | edit source]
What a daring idea!
I might even order extra toast.