Omar Christ

From Illogicopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
     Whoops! Maybe you were looking for His Brother?
No Wikipedia.png
Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Omar Christ.

Biography[edit | edit source]

Omar Christ (full name Omar Larry Rabinowitz Christ) was born in 1337, or, as most history text books (all of which were written by Omar) describe it as "the blackest date in all of man kind... fools". His parents were The Virgin Mary, later awarded the "fastest slut in Poland" and changed her name to Mary the slut, and Jamal Tyrone Wilson the III. Omar grew up in a black urban neighborhood outside of Buffalo where as a child it was him and his father living in a crack house with quote;" all the Bitches". At the age of five, he first tasted cereal, and learned how to dress himself. This was a great accomplishment to Omar. Regardless, as he grew up, he acquired his famous hunting knife and basketball that he stole from a "drunked-out bum" behind a T.G.I. Fridays. Omar never mastered his basketball skills, even though he had a basketball. Omar was very sensitive about his basketball skills, cause if anyone beat him or caught him cheating, he would immediately (as in within the second) brandish his knife wildly, and injuring them, fatally or not, for his aim was terrible. If then anyone were to complain or try to arrest Omar for his disregard for proper knife wielding etiquette, he would use the "'cause I am black" defense, throw crack in their eyes and wisp off into the night.

Omar has also been noted to have mental, and physical disabilities, such as the inability to play basketball and open jars, but his greatest mental illness was his imaginary friend. An unknown source overheard him talking to his imaginary friend, and from the information we've received, it is safe to say its name is KillBotX and he has "sweet ass dreads" and a Mk XII Double Barrel Fourteen Inch (356 mm) Naval Gun attached on his wrist and is 32 feet tall. He has an eye patch, a goatee, and rides a "tricked out Harley with flames on the sides"

Omar has done a number of notable things in history; he created the popular pop culture catch phrase " It's hammer time!" made popular by MC Hammer. What people do not know is that Omar's original phrase was a question that MC Hammer just happened to answer while walking past Omar one day. As time progressed, MC Hammer's popularity in the early 90's sky rocketed from the phrase Omar had created. This drove Omar into a Tantrum, in which he hunted down MC Hammer, and as Omar's self published Biography "Memoirs of a Geisha" clearly states, he apparently "Stomped MC Hammer's Crew at basketball, then swiftly removed the first three layers of MC Hammers skin.".

Omar's presence in history has been altered greatly. For example, he built the pyramids, tipped the tower of Pisa, gave king Arthur his sword, punched Jesus in the face at birth, beat the French and Napoleon at basketball, assassinated Hitler with his knife and basketball, signed the Bill Of Rights, was George Washington for two years but resigned and let the real George Washington take over, stomped George Washington at basketball, pushed over the American flag at Iwo Jima, was molested by Micheal Jackson during a basketball rematch, invented basketball, started Christianity ( formally known as Omarism, but broke down into the two sects; Omarism and Christianity), belched the alphabet, did 3 cartwheels in a row, shot J F K by accident, robbed a liquor store, and the list goes on...

Omarism[edit | edit source]

Omarism is the real Christianity, it came first, and was based on Omar. All the speculation of Jesus being black came from this religion. Jesus got punched in the face when he was a baby, hence he was no Son of God. The Pope, Pope Micheal Jackson is the real Son of God. Omar is the main religious figure in Omarism. As a matter of fact, their is no rhyme or rhythm to Omarism, is just simply is, like Omar. Omarism gives you the right to carry around a knife, and use old cliche black slang like "that is wack!" and " all yo b***hes can go f*** yo self!" and " n**** please, ima bust a cap in yo Pop-damn ass". Not only does it give you these justices, you are fully trained in the "'cause I am black" defense, to be used as you see fit. As a matter of fact, Omarism recently acquired political immunity ( or so we've been informed) so every member of Omarism is above the law. Although Omarism is discriminatory, for they only choose certain people based on how much they resemble omar and so far, there are only ten other known members... we have not yet acquired their names. Omarism has yet to find a purpose or point to their religion, or even social status or a proper church, they are merely a small group of people wandering the countryside praising the name Omar Larry Rabinowitz Christ.