Potato Brigade
 → 
|
The Potato Brigade was the name given to the Danish regiment that defended Miami beach from Cuban illegal immigrants. Though outmatched and outnumbered by the Cuban forces, the Potato Brigade managed to fend them off in time for the Latin Mafia to save the day for the Danish army.
Morning Defense[edit | edit source]
In early morning, before the border patrol went on watch, Cuban subs and rafts made way to Miami beach. The Danish Potato Brigade saw the force coming and made a quick call to arms. Seeing as they had no firepower, they were forces to use potatoes that were found randomly on the beach. With a quick lob of a potato, the Danish forces managed to fight the battle quite diligently.
By morning, the great Col. Bernard was found dead with a life boat paddle stuck in his chest. The command of the Danish regiment then fell to Sgt. Biggs. When the sun rose, hundreds of Cuban rafts were washed ashore, along with thousands of dead Cuban illegal immigrants. Though the numbers of Cubans dead didn't seem practical for the number of rafts found, more were found to be coming.
The second wave of Cubans were much more intelligent. Driving in futuristic submarines, the Cuban forces seemed to be overwhelmingly strong. The Danish regiment was all but out of potatoes, however, and continued to launch their primitive weapons at their adversaries. They had taken heavy losses, along with a heavy amount of Marijuana-Gas-Grenades. The Cuban forces seemed to try to take the beach by any means necessary, not only by sending their Marijuana-Gas-Grenades in, but also Iguana Slings, Cigar Rockets, rocks, sticks, and large balls of compressed cocaine. The beach was in chaos, covered in bodies from every ethnic group, even ones not included in the battle, such as Gypsies, Basketball Players, Scottish Rebels, Mummies, and Wandering Jews. Piles of cocaine had been salvaged, and seemed to be the only thing keeping the Danish Potato Brigade going, as they knew the cocaine was theirs for the taking. The sky darkened with aerial assault potatoes, the sea darkened with Cooba-Skooba Divers.
Lunch Defense[edit | edit source]
By lunch time, most of the Cuban ships were sunken, and the passengers were wading...for hours. Sgt. Biggs and all of his men were tired, hungry, and high, but they did not give up. They ran about launching potatoes in the air with bare hands and feet. The sight of the Latin Mafia gave the Danish soldiers hope. Thousands of mobsters swarmed the beach with more up to date weaponry. Being saved, the Danish Regiment fell back, knowing their part in the fight was done.
Post Defense[edit | edit source]
In later months, back in their homeland of Denmark, the Danish regiment whose bravery and potato-throwing skills saved Miami beach were each given a lifetime supply of potatoes with compliments from the Danish king, David Hasselhoff. Along with the great gift of potatoes, the regiment was given a new name. This name was to be remembered through Danish history as a group of men who did not back down by an overwhelming number of illegal immigrants. They were to be remembered as The Potato Brigade.