President of the United States

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Behold, The President of The United States!!!

That's him, the President of the United States (POTUS). The true winner of every election. That is who you voted for.

Generally associated with guns, and usually seen with the machine gun used to maintains order during heated debates, the POTUS even swears an oath of loyalty to the principles of the country with a hand placed on said machine gun during the appointment ceremony. In doing so, the POTUS takes on the heavy duty of maintaining the American order and peace, the Pax Americana.

The main army used by the President to maintain order is called the Red Army, also known as the Republican Party. The red color associated with it corresponds to its leftward position on the political spectrum, though this is seldom discussed; critics refer to this as the elephant in the room. While this Red Army is often viewed as very gung-ho on stepping in and bringing about revolutions in order to solve problems, its tendencies are tempered by the conservative counterpart the Democratic Party, the blue party symbolized by a donkey for its stubborn tendency to be set in its old ways.

The ammo belt traditionally worn by the President is related in its design to the Bible belt worn by high-ranking functionaries in the political church.

For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on President of the United States.