Rimonabant

It's a thingie.

Rimonabant (also known as SR141716; trade name Acomplia) ) is an anorectic antiobesity drug that has been withdrawn from the market due to potentially serious side effects. It was approved for use in Europe and other countries, but never approved in the United States. Rimonabant is an inverse agonist for the cannabinoid receptor CB1.[3] Its main effect is reduction in appetite.

Positive side effects

As expected from a conservative anti-cannabinoid drug, appetite suppression is super effective... some Republicans. Many subjects have reported dramatic improvements in vision and hearing, increased upper body and ear lobe strength, supple lips, eradication of toe fungus, spontaneous disappearance of tonsils, adenoids and appendices, appropriate increases or decreases of breast sizes, luscious hair growth, nasal hair falling out and farts that smell like lilacs.

And all the bad side effects of marijuana reversed.

Negative side effects

Significant numbers of subjects had the following negative side effects: urge to impersonate Ali G, foul foot odor, loss of tax-exempt status, monkey ankles, renal blowback, external pancreatic growths, mercury poisoning, lettuce allergy, rhino belly, snarkiness, spontaneous moxibustion, pubic disaster, antelope forehead, ability to speak Klingon, fallopian elbow, carpal chunnel syndrome, zombieism (temporary), alpaca knee, grumpiness, spontaneous change of sexual orientation, doubting Thomas, reductionism, stupie poopy rupie doopie, interior decorating, asymmetric hirsutism, polly wolly doodle all day, brain cramps, ulcerated fruity muscles, sudden explosive diarrhea during NREM sleep, parrot voice, incredible growth of nasal hair (I mean it! It's unbelievable!), PELL grants, smoking, peppermint addiction, flag pole sitting, clairvoyance, bumbling, wearing knickers on purpose, wallpaper hanging, edifice staring, nominal fee charging, slack chin, doublecrossed eyes, snake charming, statuesqueone, spellchecking, sweat that smells like decaying chthonic god, burliness, Tourettes syndrome, reverse stuttering, smoking weed, hallucinations of ferrets operating the rapid transit system, telekinesis, paranoia, a gnawing sensation in the thorax, leaky belly button, panchromatic resonance, hands frozen into claws, claws degenerated into fins, being gobsmacked, hysterical pregnancy, armpit cheese, Snooki-like behavior, post-cognition, whistling bladder, protruding spleen, disagreeable lymphocytes, creaky sinuses, wheezing patella, gnarly mouth foam, alien hand syndrome, restive leg syndrome, sunken eyes, itchy lips, gloopy pallor, malodorous pinky finger, Popeye forearms, redundant eyebrows (as many as 47), alligator wrestling, cat face, the urge to kill capybaras, holding a potlatch, sitting on live snakes, glossolalia, itchy heart, ropy bicep, refried bean crotch, lollygagging, simpering, catfish ankles, delusions of grandeur, reproductive cantankerousness, devils heel, inside-out nose, preparations for the apocalypse, galvanized nails, orangutan arms, shotgun marriage, sloucher's gait, Schwarzenegger accent, ballast hips, radioactive gullet, disconcerting stare, operating system shift, diaper rash, smug depth perception, accordion knuckles, punching self in the face disorder, grasping at straws, glowering sores, punctuality, impatient clown shoes and bizarre mannerisms.

And depression. You can't forget depression.