Conservative

Not unlike a vampire, a conservative will drink blood, however conservatives only come out during the day, and are therefore hypothesised to be reverse vampires.

Conservatives are known for their opposition to abortion, homosexuality and 4chan. They favour the teaching of the Theory of Sudden Creation by Cosmic Jewish Zombie to the outdated Theory of Evil Lucian.

Conservatives hate Muslim fundamentalists in the extreme, despite sharing similar beliefs about Jesus, Cosmic Jewish Zombies and cake.

The sport of conservative-spotting is a favourite American pastime, and can be done easily by searching for overweight men complaining loudly about liberal bias and arguing that the way to stop smelly immigrants immigrating is to build a big wall.

Libertarians are the conservative equivalent of hippies, however, they smell less and care a lot more about money.

The British breed

The British breed of the Conservative man is identified by his RP accent, tendency to look down on the working class, and tell - tale bowler hat and suit. He will privatize anything in sight and blame the person before them for all the problems they have created. Most of them (much like their American counterparts) are closet racists who read the Daily Mail and believe everything they see.

The British Conservative is found in very exclusive areas. They are virtually extinct outside of Southern England, and in the excluded areas they often gather in packs to eat tea and scones and praise/criticize the government (depending on the leading party). In the south however they dominate the landscape as the masses flock to their private hospitals for the latest 'nip and tuck'.

See also

• Liberal
• Preservative
• Conservapedia