Social media consultant
So you did a good talking and got the job of social media consultant for a large corporation but now need to learn how to deliver a spectrum of value to clients. This guide is your guide to all the things you need to know, ya know.
How to create context[edit | edit source]
- Choose a controversial political issue.
- Write an extreme opinion on it.
- Find a picture in the creative commons and don't cite it.
- Combine text, picture, and post on social media.
- ???
- Profit (Not you, the company)
How to deal with paranoid schizophrenics[edit | edit source]
Hack their accounts and delete any negative posts about your corporation.
If that doesn't work, kidnap them and prevent them from logging into their accounts. After six months, attempt to open a new account with their name.
Don't use these directions for happy schizophrenics, who can actually be quite a boon for your newly adopted corporation.
How to deal with happy schizophrenics[edit | edit source]
Use it to your advantage.
For example, if one posts "I just bought product X at store Y," Personal Message him, "This is just a friendly reminder from corporation Z to buy product X at store Y." He will have forgotten that he has just done this and go out and purchase product X from store Y again.
And now you will be able to turn all those warm fuzzy feelings into money attractors for the incorporated humans that you are now wage enslaved to.