The Manbearpig
“I'm super cereal.”
To celebrate the fucking of The National Environmental Policy Act of 1969, various farm and forest animals got together and had a giant celebration at Old McDonald's farm, in order to celebrate. After a few too many dackeries, a few of the animals, and somehow a man, decided to go back to the barn and have a "good" time. Nine months later, the monstrosity known as Manbearpig was born, and the rest is history.
Manbearpig, half man, half bear, half pig, all powerful[edit | edit source]
Manbearpig's greatest attribute is its incredible strength, possibly deriving from it being 150% of an animal. Manbearpig can rip through 3 inches of steel, jump 20 feet in the air, is a surprisingly excellent eating people player, and can even tolerate the comedy of Carrot top. Manbearpig has an insatiable lust for human flesh, particularly babies and old people. This would be considered a bad thing, but babies are incredibly annoying that require diaper-changing, and old people are incredibly annoying that require diaper-changing. Manbearpig also has a knack for being incredibly socially awkward, including telling racist jokes in front of black people, telling your boss about the time you got super-smashed, and hitting on your wife with you in the room. And oh yeah, he can also eat your soul.
Rise to fame, drug use, rehab, comeback, and any other cliché involving a VH1 special[edit | edit source]
After several successful "I Will Eat Your Soul" world tours, Manbearpig hopped on the drug experimentation bandwagon, joining many prominent 70's and 80's bands into the "don't worry, they can only kill me" mindset about drugs. After experimenting with heroin and crystal meth, Manbearpig searched for something "harder". And boy did he find it. After hearing from a few friends from school about kids in Florida doing it, Manbearpig cheesed for the first time.
According to VH1, Manbearpig describes, "Yeah, cheesing just became my entire existence, I would just go behind the gym and cheese my effing brains out, you know, but it sucked, because it totally consumed me, and you never even got a good look at them." After going years without killing a single person, many people began to question whether Manbearpig should truly be feared or simply be told about at Boy Scout campfires. This, described by Manbearpig, was the lowest point in his life, eventually getting to the point where he couldn't even think about raping fucking and murdering cute, fluffy things, and that destroying all happiness in the world didn't seem like that good of an idea. Manbearpig decided to get clean.
After 2 visits to rehab clinic, Manbearpig was clean of an extremely physically addictive chemical substance that consumes your entire dick into desiring that substance no matter what the cost. But hey, if Lindsay Lohan can do it, anyone can! Manbearpig was back, baby, and soon began clawing through human flesh, eventually reaching his previous sorrow and despair sales.
Al Gore feud[edit | edit source]
After losing the 2000 election as chronic losers do, Al Gore wanted more attention from people and decided to hunt for America's now favorite human-eating beast, Manbearpig. Al Gore soon began a tour of various elementary schools warning students of the dangers of Manbearpig. Enraged, Manbearpig, against the wishes of his PR advisor, released a statement claiming, "Al Gore is a cynical, sore losing, attention whore."
Gore then called Manbearpig a monstrosity and a danger to mankind, to which manbearpig responded by calling Gore a "fatass." Gore then wittily responded with "I know you are, but what am I?" with Manbearpig rebutting, "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." Gore continues to try and convince the American people of the dangers of manbearpig, while Manbearpig has harnessed his focus on killing the "undesired" people of society such as criminals, murderers, hobos, retards, Jews, blacks, and crying babies, in order to gain good favor with the now retard-free American public.