Tish Simmonds

Tish Simmonds is a girl in her young teenage years who currently resides in Yorkshire, an area mostly populated by female brunette rectangles such as herself. Occasionally donning a snapback hat and sunglasses, and frequently using her own catchphrase, “boom”, she fleetingly appeared to be suffering from some kind of inter-dub identity crisis after momentarily believing she was from Brooklyn. She quickly became an Internet personality after creating a bunch of idiosyncratic Vine videos, particularly the one in which she proclaims “I’m in me mum’s car. Broom broom”, before being quickly ousted by her mother, much to her disappointment.

Recently, news broke worldwide that she tragically died in a car accident whilst attempting to drive her mother’s car as per usual. Forensic scientists believe the cause of the crash was both a result of her underaged driving inexperience and her attempts to film Vines whilst actually on the road.

Cameo appearances in Tish’s Vines

• Tish’s mother is a frequent secondary character in her videos and seems pretty damn tired of Tish snooping around in her business all the time, as she is always telling her to get out of her car/bath/train or whichever location happens to be the subject of the video. Yes, Tish’s mother just so happens to own a train.
• Tish’s mother’s car also seems to be a character in its own right. As well as being one of Tish’s well-known habitats, it was at one point unable to start in the morning (perhaps it’s not a morning kind of car, y’know?), and was later heard making alarm noises, the reasons for which were left completely unexplained.
• Tish’s cat has only ever been seen chasing a wild mouse, which according to Tish is a rather disreputable act, though she’d obviously decided to film it anyway.

Tish’s lesser-known Vines

Whilst several Internet users associate Tish Simmonds with kickin’ in the front seat of parentally-owned cars, not many will quite understand her expertise in the field of ordering a cheeseburger without the cheese. Whilst still not yet having reached the level of ordering a cheeseburger without the bun, or a beanburger without the barbecue sauce or pickled peppers, Tish manages to prove that she will most likely have secured a future working at the beanburger house the following Tuesday.

Eventually Tish reached such a point of Internet recognition that she was actually allowed inside the BBC studio. Inevitably, though, workers at the studio requested her to leave due to her innate ability to cause disasters. Rumours circulated that she would become the hostess for a show regularly airing on the BBC entitled Driving With Tish Simmonds, the premise of which was for Tish to drive a different special guest star to a different location each episode, by the end of which she would be asked to leave the celebrity’s car and likely be stranded there for at least the rest of the night unless a young man and his rogue band of singing arctic animals manages to pick her up for a boat ride.