Waldo

“Have you seen Waldo?”

~ Stranger

Waldo Trevor Francis, or WTF to his friends, was born on the 6th of March, 1962 in Titwank, Oregon. He grew up slowly on his parents’ farm, but in 1972 at the age of five, he left the safety of his parents' breast to find a job. He began working for a paper mill in Washington state in 1975 and became president of the company soon after. He fell in love and later married one of his co workers, Silly Sausage, and they had 2 children and one hybrid.

Disaster struck in 1985 when after an argument with his wife, Waldo tied her to the conveyor belt and shredded the late Ms. Sausage (She returned to her maiden name after being posthumously divorced). Waldo Francis realised he was going to be caught, and had to act quickly. He knew the sentence in Washington for such a crime was death by Weevil, so he went on the run and became a fugitive, just like so many heroes before him. He was promptly pursued by the Central Ignorance Agency.

In 1986, the Reafan administration got so fed up with the CIA's failure to track down Waldo; they decided to opt for a new path. They decided the best way to find Waldo was to set up many cameras around remote, yet highly populated areas in the west Coast of the United States, and then they published these photos in Children’s books. Ronny hoped that these children would be able to find Waldo and bring him to justice.

Unfortunately however, Reagan died, and Waldo still is yet to be caught. The current Federal Government have no ideas. At all.

How to make Waldo come out from hiding

1. Spread rumors of nuclear war
2. Make actual threats of nuclear war to Russia, China, or North Korea
3. Declare a national state of emergency
4. State that Waldo is humanity's last hope and that he should report to your government's headquarters
5. ????
6. You have finally found Waldo.

See Also

• Where's Waldo Cow