Weaponized toe nail clippings

The development of weaponized toe nail clippings was a joint operation between Area 51 and DARPA, the same guys who brought you recovered alien cow catching technology

By inserting tiny explosive warheads and micro-miniature guidance systems with Intel chips and gravy into toenail edges, one can conceivably develop a toe nail clipper that will launch the weapon and guide it to its target. One approach was the ancient but reliable JDAM laser target lighting method, advocated by a bunch of grandpas who were stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam War. The dudes who developed the Killer Unicorns video game proposed substituting toe nails for cows and using alien cow catching technology from UFOs shot down over New Mexico and Arizona in the 1950's.

Pentagon spokesman Able Handfoul accidentally leaked information about the black program during a press conference, when a reporter surprised him by asking an informed question. After being killed by monster bunnies and being replaced by a bag of mustache trimmings, Dick Cheney funded a study on the effectiveness of a sack full of nickels.