Astronomy Wars: The Umpire Strikes Out
What do you think I am? Some sort of brick? Oh, hello there! Didn't see you. Anyway, back to the show.
Scene: Planet. Ice. Cold.
Two men walk up to each other. Something hits the ground.
Man 1: It is quite cold, wouldn't you say?
Man 2: Say, where is my toe?
Man 1: Blasted, Puke! You lost your toe again? This time I'm telling the princess!
Puke: No! Not princess Laidup! Anything but that! Pleeeaaassseee Ham Salad!
Ham Salad: OK, you go check out that thing that hit the ground. I'm going back to Hollow Base.
Puke: It's a deal!
Ham walks away... Puke goes to thing in Ground. Big Yeti thing shows up.
Yeti thing: Rawr.
Yeti thing: Dearest me... would you like some tea? How about I have you for dinner?
Yeti makes tea. Rips off pukes arm and eats it for dinner. Sticks a rubber one on. Attaches him to roof
Puke: Use the Horse!
Gets thing. Turns it on BLUE LIGHT! Kills yeti and passes out in snow. Glowing old man appears
Glowing old man: Puke! Have you seen my wlking stick anywhere?
Puke: Ugh. I think I'm going to pass out.
Glowing old man: Well damn. Er, maybe it's on that bubbly place with that green guy. Would you mind checking there?
Puke: Only if you give me a b***-***--
Puke falls asleep. Or something. Man 1 returns on thing. Bad effects
Man 1: Puke!
Puke: .... (He's dead, Jim!)
Giant metal thing walks up. Gun shoots laser beams. Flying stuff. Birds? Maybe. Metal birds.
Dak: Ouch, my ear. Puke, slow dow--
Flying thing crashes. Dak is dead, Puke jumps out and makes a rainbow. Metal thing a-splodes. Dog and Man 1 and gold robot and trash can robot and laidup are running
Ham Salad: Uh-oh spaghettios! This way is blocked. We have to go through the Nuteral zone!
Laidup: Ham, your a hunky playboy. Let's have sex.
Ham Salad: Later, hotty! Dog, start up the engines!
Dog: Ok, Ham Salad. Wait, I don't speak English! What I meant to say is Roar!
The peeps fly away. Puke is in swamp with trash can.'
Trash can: Beep Doot Beep
Puke: Shut up, P5. I have to find a giant booger.
Green thing comes out, Carrying stick.
Yogurt: Found me you have. Yogurt my name is.
Puke: Are you thick and creamy? My insides feel as though they are going to burst...
Yogurt: Follow me, you shall. To my mud hut we go. Party time it is!
Puke: Woo hoo! I brought the beer!
Yogurt: Fun we will have... Ah, screw this talking backwards crap! LET"S GET DRUNK!
Puke: Ok! Ugh, my head hurts! Looks like Ham is getting killed, well, fuck him! Get me the powder!
Booger: Puke, don't leave! We were about to make love
Puke: I know, I don't want to, but I kinda have to follow the script.
Yogurt: Darn, I thought I would finally lose my viginity after 900 years! Sad I am!
Puke leaves and goes to cloudy thingy.
Puke: U1! Shut up! Im trying to listen to the radio!
Ham Salad and Dog And Laidup are in clouds. Black guy greats them. HaM gets turned into rock.
Puke: OMG It's Dart Wader!
They turn on light things
Dart Wader: I am your father.
Hand Gets chopped off. Puke falls down pipe, gets saved by laidup and black guy. The End'
To be continued...