Spontaneously Combustible Eggs

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Very similar to the Scotch egg, Spontaneously Combustible Eggs have been used effectively as a method of population control since the dawn of time. They are mass produced underwater in Atlantiis (similar to Atlantis, only it was a city of women that sunk into the sky, (currently owned by ninjas)) by injecting chickens with the T-Virus and then reversing their life process until they return to their original form: gge (the first incarnation of an egg's 186 incarnations). They are then injected with the T-Virus, causing them to fill up with water, which is what causes the spontaneous combustion, as water is flammable. To stabalize the Spontaneously Combustible Egg (SCE), it is injected with the T-Virus. It is then coated with the T-Virus, (which the SCE has never had any contact with, as this would cause the SCE to turn into a Chinese rice farmer) and dyed in pretty colors. They are then distributed throughout the world on Easter by Santa Clause.

Uses for SCE's[edit]

  • Bulleyosheibenta! (an SCE explodes)
  • Population control: by placing SCE's at random points in your yard on Easter, you can effectively reduce the population of small children, who, on Easter, experience a primal urge to search for painted eggs, which closely resemble SCE's. Upon finding one, they place it in a basket. If that basket contains another SCE, they will spontaneously combust, effectively giving the child a light show as well as ending their pathetic little life.
  • Putting out fires: by throwing an SCE at a fire, the water inside will burst into flames, and in doing so will make the fire larger, which will put the fire out.
  • Bulleyosheibenta! (an SCE explodes)
  • I am Iron Man!!!
  • Hand grenade: throwing an SCE at some random prep (or llama) and screaming "Bulleyosheibenta!" (an SCE explodes) will cause the SCE to explode, setting the prep (or llama) on fire.
  • Bulleyosheibenta! (an SCE explodes)
  • Crime deterrent: by throwing an SCE at someone trying to steal your wallet, you can knock them down and into the fetal position. While in this position, they are very easy to throw into a pool of acid.
  • A way to save money on your teen(s)' car insurance WITHOUT switching to Geico: by carrying a large amount of SCE's in a basket (each must be individually wrapped in tin foil to prevent combustion), and throwing them at your teens while screaming "Bulleyosheibenta!", you accomplish many things. Such as population control, crime deterrent (your teen can't get into trouble if they're dead), using a hand grenade in the house, and saving money on car insurance (your teen can't crash if they're dead).
  • Bulleyosheibenta! (an SCE explodes, causing a chain reaction which destroys this article).

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See also[edit]

This article is part of the
ILLOGICOPEDIA GUIDE TO WEAPONRY
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