Battle with HelloolleH

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Testostereich says:
Awesome battle article, hahahaha
HelloolleH says:
I would of made it longer but...y'know...
HelloolleH says:
I couldnt be arsed

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You -- HP: 5000ish
Attack	Magic	Skill	Item
Drunken fist-swinging	White lightening	Kung-fu	Broken bottle
Face-bite	Instant win	Ctrl Alt Delete	Unlabelled pills

You Swing your fists wildly at HelloolleH, with remarkable accuracy for one who just inhaled 84 double vodkas. You even throw in a groin shot.

You deal 1 damage!!

HelloolleH -- HP: Infinity plus 1
Attack	Magic	Summon	Item	Skill
Face-Shank	Ultimate Doom Fire Bomb	n00b	Ultimate Shotgun	Murder
Curb-Stomp	EXPLODE	Jackie Chan	Mop	Aggressive Mopping

HelloolleH Curb-Stomps your face!

HelloolleH Pushes you to the floor and face-rapes you with the bottom of his boot. You collect the pieces of your skull and climb to your feet, only to be EXPLODED!!!

HelloolleH deals Lots Of damage!!

You -- HP: Pitiful
Attack	Magic	Skill	Item
Drunken fisting	White lightening	Kung-fu	Broken bottle
Face-bite	Instant win	Ctrl Alt Delete	Unlabelled pills

You down your white lightening and regain some hp. You then lunge forward using your kung-fu-ness, jam a broken bottle into HelloolleH's neck, and chew his face. Then your hit him in the groin again.

HelloolleH is immune to pain, and regains 999999999999699999 std!!

HelloolleH -- HP: Infinity plus 1
Attack	Magic	Summon	Item	Skill
Face-Shank	Ultimate Doom Fire Bomb	n00b	Ultimate Shotgun	Murder
Curb-Stomp	EXPLODE	Jackie Chan	Mop	Aggressive Mopping

HelloolleH begins to dislike you, and decides to pull out the big guns. Well, the biggest...the ULTIMATE SHOTGUN!! Unfortunately for him, it's still loaded with vibrating rubber cocks from his activities the previous night. He fires some cock at you, but gives up when he realises you enjoy it.

He changes his tactics, opting to summon a n00b to the battle instead. He chants the magic words and Silent Penguin appears from no-where.

Seppy talks really quickly about coding and the benefits of firefox over IE, and this leaves you feeling dazed and scared. He then cock-drops you.

Seppy deals COKE to children!!

You -- HP: LOL, you're dazed
Attack	Magic	Skill	Item
Wut?	I can do majik?	All I remember is something about a fox	chipped tooth
He hit me with his cock!! WTF!!!	My head hurts...	Where am I?	Unlabelled pills

You pop the unlabelled pills and instantly regret it as your penis becomes erect.

You swing the penis wildly around and knock over a nearby potted plant. This in turn knocks over a small statue, which knocks over a larger stature, which knocks over a really massive statue, which falls on HelloolleH's face.

HelloolleH is allergic to statues and is killed!!

You win and are awarded the anti-climatic battle of the century award!

Congratulations, noob!!