Carrot
“(Crunch crunch crunch) Ehhhh, what's up, doc?”
Carrots are generally considered to be fodder and bait to attract Rabbits of Mass Destruction. They mainly look green, with purple leaves, though some mutations have caused orange carrots with green leaves to appear. These grown only in fnurdle nests, and are a great novelty to tourists from Britain. Because of this, domesticated fnurdles are becoming a great choice for pets.
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto![edit | edit source]
Because Kansas is the main location for fnurdle nests, carrots of both varieties grow in abundance there. Kansas is currently trying to fight against RMDs for control of carrots.
Carrots as Deities[edit | edit source]
It's true! Carrots are Bringers of the Fluff, in service of The Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness! Truly. Well, some of them, anyway. Never mind the homicidal screaming variety. In fact, carrots are the complete opposite of grues, which are cheesy.
So whenever you find a True Carrot, make sure to pay your respects to it. Who knows? It might even bless you!
International relations[edit | edit source]
The carrot is the opposite of the stick. Likewise, rubbing two carrots together will put out any fires within a sixty-degree radius. "Sixty-degree radius?" you say. "You clearly have no basic understanding of geometry." But ha, I have created a NEW understanding of geometry, all you have to do is admit that I'm right, only the stupids cannot understand that geometry is actually five-dimensional and that your coatrack is actually made of former KGB spies who have taken up interpretive dance. But, I am getting ahead of myself.
Carrots are very useful in international relations as the polar opposite of the stick. Teddy Roosevelt never said, "walk softly and munch loudly on a large carrot." No, in fact, he said, "speak softly and munch loudly on a large carrot." Now you know why carrots are the mortal enemies of sticks, besides the fact that carrots harbor a grudge against sticks for their callous and thorough poking of marshmallows, key carrot allies all. In fact, carrots like marshmallows so much, they harbor a secret jealousy for not being made of processed sugar. You figure it out.
If carrots could pick one vegetable to describe themselves, it would be lettuce.