Deep cheese massage

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Sex may sell, but deep cheese is just weird.

Deep cheese massage is the inverse of best friend massage, in that it can be administered by anybody except a best friend[1]. The deep cheese school of massage was founded by an anonymous band of snow monkeys while watching the new Cosmos with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Because the undercurrent of chicken parts was at stake, only deep cheeses were selected for this delicate technique for adjustment of the chi according to watermelon tablets.

Where seraphim dingoes feared to tread, thus goes the deep cheese. Gooey at proper temperature, but otherwise goopy and useless, the deepness of the cheese is exploited to send exploding head sensations to the massage receptacle. During the Doctor Weird Garage Sale of 1967, rebel snow monkeys crept away under cover of mists rising from the heated springs and published a formal method for the cure.

Follicle upon follicle, the knowledge grew until it collapsed under its own weight. The Chinese, of course, felt they had to get involved, if only to save face at 6% interest compounded daily. Once sexual advances had been roundly thwarted into a square hole, the method was public domain. This won the support of academia, touching off a revolution in modern medicine based entirely on cheese.

As the antlers of night descended on an unremarkable Minnesota town, Britannia hailers emerged from their prefabricated IKEA moose-proof fondues to profess a newfound patriotism. Is Froggie home, you may ask?

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  1. My wife says I have the best friend massage concept all wonky. She says I should point out that best friend massage is completely consensual. Therefore, she feels that a deep cheese massage would probably be performed against the will of the receptacle. You can't get a taxi on the honor system.