Money

From Illogicopedia
(Redirected from Dollar)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“Money money money, ate my bunny”

~ ABBA

“Monet Monet Monet”

~ Art critic

“I can directly wire you the moneys if you just tell me your pin code...”

~ Nigerian Prince

This article was sporked from Wikipedia in some small parts

There is currently no money on this page. Would you like to rob a bank or search for money in Illogicopedia? It may also have been spent.

Anyway, money is any item or verifiable record that is generally accepted as payment for goods and services. These goods and services can be anything from a piece of toast, to a car wash, to a new house, to an invasion by aliens from the planet Ingarion 26-B. The main functions of money are distinguished as a medium of exchange, a store of value, and whatever the U.S. Federal Reserve decides in their annual underground cave meetings.

Properties of money[edit]

Money should be:

  • a medium of exchange, which means that you should be able to swap this money with someone else to obtain the goods and services that you want. Note, however, that this does not seem to apply to certain entertainment arcades, where money becomes irrelevant, and strange paper tickets become the medium of exchange. Are tickets considered money? Do you waste them endlessly on that weird 'electric basketball' thing? Maybe.
  • a store of value, which means they hold their value over time. That means that inflation is against the whole concept of money. We think. We're not really sure, because economics is like quantum physics: you don't understand a word of it.
  • a standard of deferred payment. Now I gave up trying to understand what this means.

The Root of All Money[edit]

On New Years Eve, 4005 BC, God created Heaven and Earth, but for reasons scholars still haven't figured out, He neglected to create money.[1]

Some time later, King Cresus[2] got in over his head. Historians of the time[3] neglected to record exactly how Kreesus[4] got in too deep but it's commonly speculated that it was gambling debts[5][6]

However it happened, Chressus[7] found that he owed more cows to the local mob than existed in the entire kingdom, and he needed a solution, stet.[8] And so he invented money.

Since he was the King, of course he was the only one in the kingdom authorized to print money, so he had all the money in the world. Furthermore, since he was authorized to print money, he got the last laugh on the mob: He could just print as much money as he wanted, and so that was that for the "gambling debt".

Unfortunately, Creases didn't get to enjoy his new invention very long. About a week after he sent a slave with a wheelbarrow full of pieces of paper with his picture on them around to the owner of the local chariot track along with a note saying "And so my debt to you is fully discharged now STOP BUGGING ME", he was found floating face down in an irrigation ditch. It's not known if there was a connection.

Types of money[edit]

$€€ al$o[edit]


Footnotes, references, and stuff that was too stupid to put up with the rest of the article

  1. It's possible God was out late at a New Year's Eve party and rushed the job, and simply forgot. It's also possible that God always uses a credit card and so just doesn't think about "money".
  2. I have no idea how to spell, that, OK? If you don't like how I did it, fix it. In any case the Latin alphabet (you know, the one we use) hadn't been invented yet either so God only knows how it's really spelled.
  3. who were mostly working under the direction of Creesis's Grand Vizier
  4. See previous comment on spelling
  5. According to one authority that's what Able was killed over. Loaded dice, specifically.
  6. Actually it was Jerry Garcia who said that, come to think of it.
  7. yeah yeah spelling whatever
  8. Or is that supposed to be "stat"?