Electronic music
Electronic music is what happens when you arrive at the school dance and attempt to sabotage the PA system. For science!
Sometimes electronic music, like other electrical goods, can be faulty or break after a while. This can be easily fixed by going to the nearest electronic music repair shop. Occasionally, they may give you an update free of charge, such as a string section hook or a piano riff. If you mail-order electronic music and receive the wrong kind, it is advisable to file a complaint to your electronic music provider. Recently, buyers of UK hardcore have instead been receiving Melbourne bounce. This is not only blatantly false advertising – as it is not made in Melbourne, likely Laundrycestershire somewhere – but it is likely to contain 75% less melody and attract more half-dead punters from Masif Saturdays who forgot it was actually Tuesday.
Notable subgenres[edit | edit source]
- House: the kind of music people won't have a problem with if you just rock up and play it in their house.
- Big room house: for playing in your richer friends' houses.
- Scouse house: for playing in your dishevelled Liverpudlian next-door neighbour's house.
- Nu-disco: it's not disco if it's nu, you square!
- Future funk: playing Parliament through a filter whilst watching Sailor Moon (presumably when high) to annoy your roommates.
- Techno: the elevator music they play on the Axiom to make sure everyone keeps going out for lunch. In a cup.
- Hardcore: the sound of construction going on next door.
- Speedcore: HE'S GOT THE JACKHAMMER, EVERYBODY DUCK
- Hardstyle: Ah yes, the wild mating call of the native Australian lad. Playing a heavily distorted kick drum whilst swinging a bum bag over your head for 45 minutes is a common practice used to attract female attention. The gabber, a rare mating dance descending from a cha-cha slide variant of the Macarena, may also be employed.
- Happy hardcore: the art of using a single sample to construct an entire so— ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
- Funkot: Sped-up Indonesian dance music with VirtualDJ's default sample pack and unsettling screaming noises thrown in about every twelve bars. If it had anything to do with actual funk music, Bootsy Collins would be starring in Bollywood films right about now.
- Trap: more R&B-based. Called 'trap' due to the fact that it's usually comprised of a full melodic buildup leading to a really boring, minimalistic section. You've just been trapped by the Internet, son.
- Dubstep: The slowest and most violent subgenre that is 617% likely to give you uncontrollable seizures and intense electronically psychedelic hallucinations every time you hear the name Skrillex, Datsik, Downlink, and possibly even Nero.
- Noise: [sighs deeply]