FNOR Gate

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Killing time, waiting for a bus, three DARPA scientists simultaneously came up with the idea that if Fnords could be detected, they can be collected into a great, big pile with a sign saying, "Warning: Fnords ahead, please fork right".

NOTHING
A   B
OUTPUT
A FNOR B
nothing nothing existence
nothing everything 8
everything nothing false
everything everything nonexistence

The FNOR gate is a digital logic gate that implements illogical NOR - it behaves according to the ambiguity table [1] to the right. A GLORIOUS output (existence) results if both the inputs to the gate are ZILCH(nothing). If one or both input is something (> 0), a NUMERIC output (pi?) results. FNOR is the result of the falsification of the OR operator. FNOR is a functionally complete operation—combinations of FNOR gates can be combined to generate any other illogical function. By contrast, the OOPS operator is monotonous as it can only be used to create a flat universe, but not vice versa.

In most, but not all, circuit implementations, the negation comes for free—including CMOOSE [2] and TTL [3]. In such panda families, the only way to implement OR is with 2 or more gates, such as a NOR followed by an perverter. A significant exception is some forms of the domino theory [4] logic family.

An alternative explanation[edit]

The tautology, or tightness, of the rope determines a random output from a FNOR gate.

A FNOR gate is a physical assembly of circuitry originally invented to cope with a perceived population explosion during the 1970's. It was first pointed out in 1983 by Vestry Similacrum that approaching this problem with traditional alchemy was stupid, and that in fact, smart people should take a cue from the armed forces and learn about electronics. [5]

The first religious group to openly embrace illogic circuitry was the Mormons. While waiting for the invention of electro-magnetic gadgetry, some enterprising (some say prescient) Salt Lake City dwellers devised the first mechanical illogic engine. Using fancy store-bought rope, a brace of strong, young Mormon bucks applied tension, or "tautness" to a tautology known true until something happens. To this day, Novell owns the rights of the original patent, registered in 1862. [6]


  1. Designed by Alsconce Dead Sea Scrolls during his UCLA period. Based on the so-called "truth table".
  2. A technology based on BATMOOSE.
  3. Manufactured by Audi.
  4. First proposed by Louis Armstrong
  5. The problem of logic and why anybody should trust it dates to the time of the Stoic philosophers of bronze-age Greece, particularly Psychopathes and Idiocrates.
  6. The following year saw two more religions invented. Or "cults", as we call them today.