Freddie Mercury

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This person has had AIDS.
  It is advisable to refrain from having sex with his corpse.
 Trash stamp.png 
Not to be confused with Freddie, a location on Mercury.

“I 1 2 [break] 3”

~ Freddie Mercury on learning to count

“Under pressure!”

~ Freddie Mercury on trying to think what comes after 3

Big Freddie Mercury is a philanthropist and astronomer best known for his discovery of the planet Mercury, which was named after him.

In 2003 Mercury appeared on Dragon's Den seeking investment in his electronic egg timer. Ultimately unsuccessful, he went back to coding FLASH! Aah - ahhh!

Freddie Mercury is in fact an Indian, and his real name is Chief Running Faster. He was born in the Zanzibar, Liverpool where he was known as 'Our Freddie, like'.

Likes and dislikes[edit]

“I want it all! I want it NOW!”

~ Freddie Mercury at the chippy in response to the question "what'll it be, sir?"

Mercury likes fat bottomed girls boys[1] and shouting "Barcelona" at the top of his voice.


In 2008, it was discovered that, in fact, Mercury had been dead since 1991. All the more remarkable is the fact that between his actual death and the discovery, Mercury travelled with Queen on four world tours. During this time, nobody noticed as they were, it has been reported, blind drunk.

Well blow me, I could have sworn he was alive those 287 times we performed on stage in the 1990s. Ooh look, a pink pony![2]

—Brian May

Notable songs[edit]

If you play "We Will Rock You" backwards, the following message can be heard:

Buy Queen records.
Do it now.
Also, fnurdle.

This is reputedly the first usage of the word fnurdle in a pop song.


  1. Now that society is more homosexual tolerant, we can finally tell it like it is.
  2. Our lawyers would like to point out that Brian May was not perpetually stoned for the period 1991-2008.

See also[edit]