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“In Soviet Russia, goldfish flushes YOU!!”

~ Yakov Smirnoff on goldfishes

Goldfish, or "Gay-lords" as they are more commonly called, are the only aquatic animal composed of a metal, specifically Gold. They are prone to sinking to the ocean floor due to their lack of buoyancy or memory. They are often scooped up by mermaids who will use them as weapons in the Cold War.

They have been on the endangered species list since 1976, because hippies melt them down and sell the molten bodies to fund their jihad.

Candrenna is inhabited by debating goldfish, among other things.

"Goldfish swallowing" was once a common college competition, however non-Yalies being too poor to afford the real thing, they ate goldfish crackers instead. Since chewing the cracker was an automatic disqualification, many students choked and were deprived of oxygen to the internal skull support system (ISSS) for extended periods; these later went on to great success in politics. Half of the best lawyers have swallowed goldfish in their earlier years if they didn't choke and die.

However, the name 'goldfish', is actually a heap of bullshit, as there are many goldfish that are actually not gold. Take for example, the Siamese Fighter, an incredibly aggressive goldfish that is rarely seen in any shade other than red.

Last night a maniac tried to drown a fish. It has been proved that Mrs. Pidgeon (ginger haired coo'ey) of the CHS was the maniac but it hasn't been proven that she killed the fish so his identity will remain anonamous.

When a goldfish falls in love with a betafish, a great white shark will come to the bettas rescue the goldfish will then go to the wedding between the great white and the beta, and eat the cake.

Size[edit | edit source]

It is thought that the average goldfish is about 300,000,000 lbs.[1] And since this fact has a reference, it must be true![2]

Varieties[edit | edit source]

There are many different types of goldfish that include

- Half carrot goldfish

- Full carrot goldfish

- Quarter carrot goldfish

- Empty carrot goldfish

Breeding[edit | edit source]

Many people have tried to create the ultimate goldfish by combining a goldfish with a silverfish.

Gold and silver are often referred to in Pokemon. There is a reason for this reference...

My favorite pokemon is gengar!!! whats urs?

Common fetishes[edit | edit source]

Goldfish are well known masochists. This is why they usually have big, dopey grins on their faces when they are eaten alive. [3]

Fish Chow[edit | edit source]