Animal rights activists

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“Yeah, I heard they caught a couple of animal rights activists trying to start a fire at Macy’s but they passed out because they were too weak from only eating vegetables.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Animal Rights Activists

“Only "Rights" animals have is how good they taste! Damn Nuts! Had to eat shit because my Marine Dad says that is what makes up these nuts!”

~ R. Lee Ermey

“Yeah, I would consider myself an Activist. I actively do a lot of things, but not Animals”

Animal Rights Activists are members of the popular terrorist organization, PETA. The founding ideal of Animal Rights Activists is that animals have more rights than sapient people-animals (ex. like a flotsam dolphins). They are commonly characterized by sociopathic individuals who lack much of the usual empathy and value for fellow personhoodness, instead redirecting it towards far more important species such as the June Beetle. Most try to ignore personal hygene and wear clothing made solely from hemp products. They can be spotted in your local downtown area shouting favorite phrases such as "Meat is Murder" and "Support Organic Farming" in attempts to get you to give your money to them.

Some Animal Rights Activists beliefs (myths)[edit | edit source]

  • Animals feel pain
  • An animal's life is worth just as much as a sapient's life.
  • You are an animal murderer
  • Drinking milk is rape, Tasty, Tasty rape.
  • Animals exhibit signs of intelligence
  • Animals are sentient, at least that lower level than sapience
  • All carnivores/carnivoriforms are unnatural eyrie constructs
  • Animals have the right to hurt you or each other in self-defense or for the hell of it and not the other way around.
  • Plants are allowed to eat other living things because they don't have the ability to exhibit any feelings or regard for other forms of life.
  • No one has the right to touch a cow in their special place*
  • you may enjoy getting milked, but cows don't.
no MEANS no!!!

Just how the heck did this " Animal Rights Activists" thing start, anyway?[edit | edit source]

Movement began most likely somewhere in 1800's but didn’t grab enough attention till the 1970’s when a bunch of hippie drop outs figured out they needed something new to argue and bitch about. Then they created PETA, which is belief to come from the ancient Greek/Anglo word “Puta” that means “to bitch a lot”. balls

Petaphilia[edit | edit source]


Thanks to all the bitching of the " Animal Rights Activists in Washington DC in the earl 70’s, they decided to mix with the animals and even create more Animal Rights Activists, in many unthinkable ways, thus, creating a new and dangerous type of disease, in fact the most dangerous type or STD, Petaphilia. They are what most of us call petaphiles “are people who have an abnormal sexual attraction to vegetarians and/or animal rights activists” People with this attraction are called petaphiles This is an incurable STD, which means you will die.

A family of petaphilias

Some sympston of Petaphilia:

  • Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a vegetarians and/or animal rights activists
  • The person has acted on these urges, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.
  • The person has big urge to eat large quatities of tofu/vegetables shaped like meats.
  • Instead of going to a bar or pub, they start to hand around the salad bar too much.

Petaphilia is a crime in most nations expect Northern Canada, most of Germany, Hungary, The Netherlands, Norway, western South Africa, Sweden, rural United Kingdom and the southern United States.

Animal Activists in the Future[edit | edit source]

after many years of futile battle against basic second-grade science,the PETA-ites will become stranded on dessert island. From there they will establish a very conveluted food chain, eating the fattest member again and again until there are only two rail-thin hippie-bastards left. They will then snap in half and blow away, refusing to eat the nearby injured , but delicious hump-back whale which has actually washed up right next to them. The whale later dies . This is totally factual. I have a time-machine, PETA bitches.

Animal rights[edit | edit source]

Some Animal rights include:

  • A cow has the right to moo.
  • A chicken has the right to cross the road
  • Birds have the right to shit on your head, your car and any and all statues.
  • Cats have the right to meow.
  • Cats have the rights to has cheezburger.
  • Dogs have the right to bark, if they do so in a discrete manner. (There's no excuse for sloppy, slurred barking.)
  • Dogs have the right to stay at the temperatures they prefer. Forced heating of dogs that results in Hotdogs(or the rarer hotgelert) should be prohibited.
  • Walruses have the right to has a bukkit.

Animal Rights activists are sapient neopet smelly animals, who, surprisingly enough, campaign for the rights of animals.

See also[edit | edit source]