Cold War

A man drinks some warm STFU to combat Cold War

Cold War is what happens when all the soldiers leave home without their moms' jackets and scarves when they go off to war, such as on the frozen planet of Hoth. Also a side effect of commandos "going commando" in temperate, windy conditions. Almost unheard of in tropical conditions and, ironically, Siberian Russia.

Cold wars over the ages

• The Cold War of Antarctica (2001 - present): Two rival scientist clans battle it out on the polar icecaps after several incidents of coffee machine sabotage

• The Kid's Cold War (1896) - Old St. John on death row gets tired of waiting for a pardon and turns entire North American continent into a sheet of rubbery ice. He later gets caught and hanged up to dry.

• Cold War: The famous one (1946-1991): Truman double dares Stalin to lick a flagpole in the middle of winter, with hilarious consequences.

• Hot War: The unknown one (1991-3021): Stalin seeks revenge by setting fire to the world's supply of porn, then goes about eating some foetuses.

See also

• Red Storm, or How the Americans Stole my Butt

Wars of Teh Universe