Gold

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The main character, inventively named Gold, checking out the 24th town in the game; "Carat."
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For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on the element.
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For those who can't handle the real truth, the spinners of fake truth at Wikipedia have a thoroughly boring article on the video game.

Gold was tied with Silver for the best Pokémon Game Boy game ever created, prior to the release of Crystal and further games.

The game was much like previous Pokémon editions; the main character was a four-pixelled Pokémon trainer bent on viciously beating every kind of Pokémon in the game until rendered unconscious, as well as fulfilling some weird claustrophobia fetish and forcing them each into an impractically small "ball". Nintendo eventually admitted that the balls were a metaphor for anus, as many had long suspected.

Why can't I play guitar?

The game had immediate success, with a predicted 340% of the world's population playing it at any one time, though this can be largely attributed to the absence of porn on the internet at the time of the game's release. Popularity stayed strong until 1994 when someone accidentally photocopied up their skirt, the picture inexplicably ending up on the internet and starting the social transition to porn-centred social lives that left no room for such irrelevancies as video games.

Legacy[edit]

Because of its growing redundancy in the face of newer games, Nintendo offered old customers a chance to trade in their used golds for cold hard cash. The scheme was widely publicised, with seven in ten stay-at-home dads admitting to have masturbated to the adverts at some point.

Unfortunately the Japanese translator for the Nintendo CEO wasn't the greatest, and all those that took part in the scheme ended up with a cool hand rash instead. Subsequent attempts at suing Nintendo for this side effect inadvertently failed as the hand rash rendered them unable to point to those responsible during the court hearing.

Group # 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
Period
1 1 H
hydrogen
1.00794(7)

0 n
neutronium
1.00866
Illogicopedian Elements

2 He
helium
4.002602(2)
2 3 Li
lithium
6.941(2)
4 Be
beryllium
9.012182(3)

5 B
boron
10.811(7)
6 C
carbon
12.0107(8)
7 N
nitrogen
14.00674(7)
8 O
oxygen
15.9994(3)
9 F
fluorine
18.9984032(5)
10 Ne
neon
20.1797(6)
3 11 Na
sodium
22.98976928(2)
12 Mg
magnesium
24.3050(6)

13 Al
aluminium
26.9815386(8)
14 Si
silicon
28.0855(3)
15 P
phosphorus
30.973762(2)
16 S
sulfur
32.066(6)
17 Cl
chlorine
35.4527(9)
18 Ar
argon
39.948(1)
4 19 K
potassium
39.0983(1)
20 Ca
calcium
40.078(4)
21 Sc
scandium
44.955912(6)
22 Ti
titanium
47.867(1)
23 V
vanadium
50.9415(1)
24 Cr
chromium
51.9961(6)
25 Mn
manganese
54.938045(5)
26 Fe
iron
55.845(2)
27 Co
cobalt
58.933195(5)
28 Ni
nickel
58.6934(2)
29 Cu
copper
63.546(3)
30 Zn
zinc
65.39(2)
31 Ga
gallium
69.723(1)
32 Ge
germanium
72.61(2)
33 As
arsenic
74.92160(2)
34 Se
selenium
78.96(3)
35 Br
bromine
79.904(1)
36 Kr
krypton
83.80(1)
5 37 Rb
rubidium
85.4678(3)
38 Sr
strontium
87.62(1)
39 Y
yttrium
88.90585(2)
40 Zr
zirconium
91.224(2)
41 Nb
niobium
92.90638(2)
42 Mo
molybdenum
95.94(1)
43 Tc
technetium
[97.9072]
44 Ru
ruthenium
101.07(2)
45 Rh
rhodium
102.90550(2)
46 Pd
palladium
106.42(1)
47 Ag
silver
107.8682(2)
48 Cd
cadmium
112.411(8)
49 In
indium
114.818(3)
50 Sn
tin
118.710(7)
51 Sb
Antimony
121.760(1)
52 Te
tellurium
127.60(3)
53 I
iodine
126.90447(3)
54 Xe
Xenon
131.29(2)
6 55 Cs
caesium
132.9054519(2)
56 Ba
barium
137.327(7)
*
Lanthanoids
72 Hf
hafnium
178.49(2)
73 Ta
tantalum
180.94788(2)
74 W
tungsten
183.84(1)
75 Re
rhenium
186.207(1)
76 Os
osmium
190.23(3)
77 Ir
iridium
192.217(3)
78 Pt
platinum
195.084(9)
79 Au
gold
196.966569(4)
80 Hg
Mercury
200.59(2)
81 Tl
Thallium
204.3833(2)
82 Pb
lead
207.2(1)
83 Bi
bismuth
208.98040(1)
84 Po
polonium
[208.9824]
85 At
astatine
[209.9871]
86 Rn
radon
[222.0176]
7 87 Fr
francium
[223.0197]
88 Ra
radium
[226.0254]
**
Actinoids
104 Rf
rutherfordium
[263.1125]
105 Db
dubnium
[262.1144]
106 Sg
seaborgium
[266.1219]
107 Bh
bohrium
[264.1247]
108 Hs
hassium
[269.1341]
109 Mt
meitnerium
[268.1388]
110 Ds
darmstadtium
[272.1463]
111 Rg
roentgenium
[272.1535]
112 Cn
copernicium
[277]
113 Nh
nihonium
[284]
114 Fl
flerovium
[289]
115 Mc
moscovium
[288]
116 Lv
livermorium
[292]
117 Ts
tennessine
[291]‡
118 Og
oganesson
[293]
8 119 Uue
Ununenium
[295]‡
120 Ubn
Unbinilium
[294]‡
***
Superactinoids
156 Uph
Unpenthexium
[???]
157 Ups
Unpentseptium
[???]
158 Upo
Unpentoctium
[???]
159 Upe
Unpentennium
[???]
160 Uhn
Unhexnilium
[???]
161 Uhu
Unhexunium
[???]
162 Uhb
Unhexbium
[???]
139 Ute
Untriennium
[???]
140 Uqn
Unquadnilium
[???]
167 Uhs
Unhexseptium
[485]
168 Uho
Unhexoctium
[489]
169 Uhe
Unhexennium
[493]
170 Usn
Unseptnilium
[496]
171 Usu
Unseptunium
[500]‡
172 Usb
Unseptbium
[504]‡
9 163 Uht
Unhextrium
[???]
164 Uhq
Unhexquadium
[???]
****
Eka-actinoids
206 Bnh
Binilhexium
[???]
207 Bns
Binilseptium
[???]
208 Bno
Biniloctium
[???]
209 Bne
Binilennium
[???]
210 Bun
Biunnilium
[???]
211 Buu
Biununium
[???]
212 Bub
Biunbium
[???]
213 But
Biuntrium
[???]
214 Buq
Biunquadium
[???]
165 Uhp
Unhexpentium
[???]
166 Uhh
Unhexhexium
[???]
215 Bup
Biunpentium
[???]
216 Buh
Biunhexium
[???]
217 Bus
Biunseptium
[???]
218 Buo
Biunoctium
[???]

* Lanthanoids 57 La
lanthanum
138.90547(7)
58 Ce
cerium
140.116(1)
59 Pr
praseodymium
140.90765(2)
60 Nd
neodymium
144.242(3)
61 Pm
promethium
[144.9127]
62 Sm
samarium
150.36(2)
63 Eu
europium
151.964(1)
64 Gd
gadolinium
157.25(3)
65 Tb
terbium
158.92535(2)
66 Dy
dysprosium
162.500(1)
67 Ho
holmium
164.93032(2)
68 Er
erbium
167.259(3)
69 Tm
thulium
168.93421(2)
70 Yb
ytterbium
173.04(3)
71 Lu
lutetium
174.967(1)
** Actinoids 89 Ac
actinium
[227.0277]
90 Th
thorium
232.03806(2)
91 Pa
protactinium
231.03588(2)
92 U
uranium
238.02891(3)
93 Np
neptunium
[237.0482]
94 Pu
plutonium
[244.0642]
95 Am
americium
[243.0614]
96 Cm
curium
[247.0703]
97 Bk
berkelium
[247.0703]
98 Cf
californium
[251.0796]
99 Es
einsteinium
[252.0830]
100 Fm
fermium
[257.0951]
101 Md
mendelevium
[258.0984]
102 No
nobelium
[259.1011]
103 Lr
lawrencium
[262.110]
***Still Superactinoids 141 Uqu
Unquadunium
[???]
142 Uqb
Unquadbium
[???]
143 Uqt
Unquadtrium
[???]
144 Uqq
Unquadquadium
[???]
145 Uqp
Unquadpentium
[???]
146 Uqh
Unquadhexium
[???]
147 Uqs
Unquadseptium
[???]
148 Uqo
Unquadoctium
[???]
149 Uqe
Unquadennium
[???]
150 Upn
Unpentnilium
[???]
151 Upu
Unpentunium
[???]
152 Upb
Unpentbium
[???]
153 Upt
Unpenttrium
[???]
154 Upq
Unpentquadium
[???]
155 Upp
Unpentpentium
[???]
****Yep, Still Eka-actinoids! 191 Ueu
Unennunium
[???]
192 Ueb
Unennbium
[???]
193 Uet
Unenntrium
[???]
194 Ueq
Unennquadium
[???]
195 Uep
Unennpentium
[???]
196 Ueh
Unennhexium
[???]
197 Ues
Unennseptium
[???]
198 Ueo
Unennoctium
[???]
199 Uee
Unennennium
[???]
200 Bnn
Binilnilium
[???]
201 Bnu
Binilunium
[???]
202 Bnb
Binilbium
[???]
203 Bnt
Biniltrium
[???]
204 Bnq
Binilquadium
[???]
205 Bnp
Binilpentium
[???]

***Superactinoids 121 Ubu
Unbiunium
[???]
122 Ubb
Unbibium
[???]
123 Ubt
Unbitrium
[???]
124 Ubq
Unbiquadrium
[???]
125 Ubp
Unbipentium
[???]
126 Ubh
Unbihexium
[???]
127 Ubs
Unbiseptium
[???]
128 Ubo
Unbioctium
[???]
129 Ube
Unbiennium
[???]
130 Utn
Untrinilium
[???]
131 Utu
Untriunium
[???]
132 Utb
Untribium
[???]
133 Utt
Untritrium
[???]
134 Utq
Untriquadium
[???]
135 Utp
Untripentium
[???]
136 Uth
Untrihexium
[???]
137 Uts
Untriseptium
[???]
138 Uto
Untrioctium
[???]
****Eka-actinoids 173 Ust
Unsepttrium
[???]
174 Usq
Unseptquadium
[???]
175 Usp
Unseptpentium
[???]
176 Ush
Unsepthexium
[???]
177 Uss
Unseptseptium
[???]
178 Uso
Unseptoctium
[???]
179 Use
Unseptennium
[???]
180 Uon
Unoctnilium
[???]
181 Uou
Unoctunium
[???]
182 Uob
Unoctbium
[???]
183 Uot
Unocttrium
[???]
184 Uoq
Unoctquadium
[???]
185 Uop
Unoctpentium
[???]
186 Uoh
Unocthexium
[???]
187 Uos
Unoctseptium
[???]
188 Uoo
Unoctoctium
[???]
189 Uoe
Unoctennium
[???]
190 Uen
Unennilium
[???]