A graviton is a subatomic particle known to physicists (or, more specifically, to physicians and psychics) as "that little tiny thing that kills people who fall off the tops of buildings" (Hawking 1994) and frequently described as "oppressively crepuscular". It is known that the behavior of gravitons is governed by Schroedinger's Equation, both Theories of Relativity, String Theory, M-Theory, Quantum Loop Gravity, the Riemann Hypothesis, the Taniyama-Shimura Conjecture, several officious magistrates, the Duke of Edinbrough, Caesar Augustus, and the well-known Simple Law of Bispinor Antimatrix Reciprocal Functors, which states:
|For every non-Abelian group P such that P is a member of the set D which contains all sets which do not contain themselves, P must obey the Law of Bidirectional Lattice Transformation for every possible homeomorphism. Therefore, no Siegfriedian Mappings are invariants between P and its complementary fourth-order disintegrentialized group C.|
Applying trans-Newtonian analysis to this law, one may obtain an accurate description of the motion of the graviton through p-adic generalizations of spacetime. The elegant symmetry of both the derivation and resulting motion equations has startled many physicists and mathematicians, who had previously thought the necessary complexity to be far greater and possibly fractal in nature.
Gravitons in Popular Culture
- The well-known hit song "Guage Applications of the Integrated Noetherian Electrodynamical System" is largely based on the use of Siegfriedian Mappings as a tool for analysis of graviton properties.
- The Graviton Squadron, organized in the early fourteenth century, frequently hosts "graviton masquerades" in which each person must mimic the appearance and activity of one type of subatomic particle.
- Gravitons are frequently mentioned in conversation, as in the statement "I nearly fell", in which a person refers to the effects of the Simple Law of Bispinor Antimatrix Reciprocal Functors on the motion of gravitons, which in turn influences the motion of the person.