Holy Shit
“It's sort of intriguing how a measly piece of digested carrots and lettuce could prevent the universe from destroying itself.”
The Holy Shit, also known as the Divine Heavenly Power and Thine Holy Waste Products is a pivotal inter-connecting force within the universe that keep the infinitely-expanding boundaries of the universe from imploding upon itself towards the great attractor, also known as the singularity. Therefore, it is logical to conclude that if the Holy Shit is ever damaged and or destroyed, the universe would implode upon itself, taking a shape not even the world's most brilliant minds could come to. Only the minds of the mentally unstable could possibly propose such a shape, and around half of those would probably say something like a banana.
Because of this risk of universal deathitude, the Holy Shit is hidden away by the government somewhere in New York, Canada. We can only assume how the nazis in the government pamper the things, giving it tons of food and that cool new thing. However, being hidden limits its Life Options, but it doesn't really care because its role in life is so important anyway.
Other Uses[edit | edit source]
There aren't many really. Sure, it saves use from imminent crushings from the ominous powers of nothingness that resides outside of the universe, but other than that it kind of just sits there and sucks up all of the tax payers' money via the treatment from the government.
I mean sure, it can be utilized in a game of chess, and its world-record holding stench can kill pigeons and other innocent animals from over seventeen miles away, but it really serves no useful purpose.